i want to dye
my hair and tattoo my skin
so that the changes
you’ve been noticing in me
look like they’re
on purpose.

I feel like,
By the time I'm finished preparing for my future
I'll be too old to remember
The things I enjoy.

You finally let me call you
Girlfriend. So
I do until I forget
Your name.

I carve our initials
Into grateful trees
Until I cannot see the
Forest for the love.

Climb. I'll catch you
If.
I have arms to save
Worlds.
Growl at me during a bad
Day; my heart is too callused

To bleed from involuntary
Cuts.
We all carry blades; scissor
Hands also reach
Out for comfort.

You finally call me boyfriend.
I am.
Ask the trees.
Ask their beautiful scars.

Uninspired,
I lie a vacant, lonesome, callous shell.
When the wind hits, I am crumbled,
crushed,
dust in the breeze.
I am nothing.
I've left no trace,
no mark,
no meaning
in this world,
although still cursed with the audacity to plead remembrance.

Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place

You are a curious fleshy navigator
Explorer of mind and world

You are a synapse searcher
A hemisphere lurker

You are a voiceless idea
An unopened potion

You are beautifully blurry
An ambiguously cryptic existence

You reach my extremities
A nice warm flow

You burst from my body
The only existence I know

Everything I've ever told you about me has been a warning.
I tried to cool down your warmth.
Please don't smile at me again.
I can't make you understand how much it's worth.

Everything I feel about you is way too intense.
I want to explain it,
but it doesn't make any sense.

Anything you say gets repeated infinitely
to leave me swimming in a pool of memories,
but my arms are tired and now I'm drowning.
The thought of you takes the breath out of me.

I'm caving in underneath the weight of what it means.
These are the kinds of things I've tried to stop myself from feeling.

Everything I've ever said to you has been a warning.
Every single one of them has gone ignored.
Please don't smile at me again.
I can't handle loving you any more.

I gave you my heart
You gave me an **STD