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Shakia Dec 2020
I listen to the sounds of the night.
It shadows everything but my plight.
Silhouette of dreams cloud my subconscious.
While memories  claw their way up making me nauseous.

You see life is like a hard pill to swallow. It's necessary and sometimes the pain dulls and makes you hollow.

In these moments I call bliss.
In these moments that I fear.
Because the numbness is sometimes too great, that even my mind gets scared.

The pleasure of nothingness that yearns for something. The immediate void that leaves you wanting.

But sometimes the numbness is what makes things okay. Just a second away from the pain that haunts me.

Walking a fine line of content and nonchalance. But when the pain comes back, somethingness wishes for the numbness that it lost.

Sometimes I feel like a ghost floating through life. Wanting to touch and feel but things just pass by.

My grip on reality is feeble. Loosening by the second as I teeter on the line.

But I can't ask for help because I'm supposed to be fine. I'm supposed to able to handle the struggle life throws my way, because even though I know pain is a subjective spectrum I still don't feel like I should complain.

My heart is confused my spirit is tired. The passion that once lives in my eyes has expired.

I know not of how to fix it and sometimes I'm scared that I can't because the word failure lives in me like it's my own personal chant.

So I listen to the night hoping it'll chase away my demons. Because the light only provides me more time to see them.
Shakia Dec 2020
I think it was your smile
That which caused me to stop and stare for a while
The increased pace of my heart
That only seem to happen when your laughter starts
To you
I am but a forgotten flower in a meadow of daisies
I am a leaf on the fullest of trees
A spec of blue in the morning sky
And a splash of black in the dark midnight
To me
You were a rose in a field of grass
The reddest leaf on a leafless tree
The orange due in the morning sky
And the glistening bright moon in the dark moonlight
You were...
You are… those things to me
Even if you’ll never see
I think it was your smile
That caused me to stop and wonder for a while
About would could be
If you’d finally see
No….
It was definitely your smile
Shakia Dec 2020
I forgot to remember them, the soft hues of orange and green that once surrounded me
I forgot to remember the soft pink of your lips
I forgot to remember the brown of your eyes
I forgot to remember the gentle tan of your skin
I forgot to remember….
Because now everything is gray
Colors no longer exists
The world no longer shines
Your eyes no longer sparkle in the daylight
Love no longer shrouded me in its glow
I forgot to remember…
Did it ever exist?
Shakia Apr 2019
If pictures speak a thousand words
Then let my actions speak a million
Let the words die on the tip of my tongue
Let me show you what I'm feeling
Let the feel of my skin on top of yours devour us completely
Then we could forget the rest of the world and just be
Lips to lips
We don't hear their scrutiny
Chest to chest
We don't feel their hatred
As our heart beats become one
And their voices and faces finally disappear
Love
Love
Love
Is the only thing I can hear.
Shakia Dec 2018
If only we could change the past
Change a memory, a regret, and make things last
Forget my sins and I’d forget yours
The pain and tragedy that seeped through my pores
The memories of you crying about the pain in your chest
The deadly beast of grief that gave you no rest
The scars on your body designing a hidden map  
To the fractured and broken Maple Tree that no longer held any sap
Its limbs twisted and decrepit, no life seeping through
Yet you still gave me your love and I gave my everything to you
A broken love built on a broken promise of sanity and security
A love derived of tenderness and heartfelt intimacy
But it wasn’t enough
What once was a life to eternity became a bluff
I don’t hate you, but I do
I don’t love you, but I do.
The hidden map became a throbbing globe
Each piece connecting to the next leading to a tree only I know
The tree no longer exists what stands in its place is nothing but ash
They tell me you didn’t suffer the drugs made it fast
If I could go back in time I wouldn’t
I wouldn’t change the broken crescent of your smile, I couldn’t
I wouldn’t change the way your eyes sparkled under the stars
I wouldn’t change the way we dreamed to make a place in this world ours
At least this is what I want to say because I know I would
I would forget your name if I only could
I would forget that your favorite color was gray
I would forget the way you used to say everything will be okay
I would forget you because it’s too hard to remember
What could have been and what was until that fateful December;

— The End —