when someone looks at me,
is my introduction what

they think theyd get?

theres gotta be more to me then this cell-
not just the clumps of cells i project,
but the prison within.

atleast windows are reliable,
no wonder about a double standard,
when both sides are see through and sane.

so many others have been locked in this same cell
it doesnt make me feel better as

im still here alone.

expect for the voices in my head
a imposter in my cell-
hovering in the corner,
the crack in the wall.

as i cry this imposter laughs at my vulnerability
my biggest hater.

my stomach twist says every flaw is right to be torn apart
a tornado building-

no flaw untouched.
the house that supports my head
aches already
i wish the tornado would take that too.

when the words dont come out of my mouth,

is what they see what they get?

i dissociated from myself a long time ago
my conscience is

floating.

hanging
from the rope i tied years ago
the real me wanted to summit to
the knife.

under my unicorn pillow,
not sharp but
cut to ease.

red cut the blue
and lines deepen with my smile
my wrist still stings even though
im clean.

im see through like long sleeves and slit wrists,
but more so like stained glass-
colorful and full of illusion.

clear windows are bland
but atleast theyre reliable.

Why didnt you take my heart with you?
sobbing so violently
my ache breaks
b
      a
              r
                        r
                                 i
                                         e
                                                 r
                                                       s.
windows b r e a k once the note hit me
where my hurt is out my chest now.

delayed-
but sumcummed to,
where my heart is only
ha lf.
sound is silent once i reach our home,
as
     loud
             as
                 my
                      tears
                               can
                                      be
                                           now.
But they cant break between
the b a r r i o r
of
dead and alive,
and im broken but alive.
ur
     dead
               and
                      broken.
ha lf
my heart with you.
if only he **** my art with,
i would be set free,
he and me.

Comfort in no more future possibilities.
a sore heart,
without he,
each throb burning.
i hope till theres
nothing left-
your only form now:
a
    s
        h
        e
           s.

lots of leaves and tall trees
a blue house staring over me

a feeling alone, mocking me

orange sky and ease
angst building as the sun deepens

can i ever be set free?

from this cycle that witholds me-
recurring power to negativity and gloom

can positivity really be enough for me?

to keep rising again, through dark space-
only able to rely on me

light in obvious places, scares me
a trick waiting to point and tease

doors that seem to be js a push away-

yet i pull

im all in on the losing side of tug a war
once i fall only i can pick myself back up

fear in things that might not be as they seem
balance is key

lack of hope is what gets me
impending doom within me

romanticizing potential like a love novel-
too good to be true

neglect: a forever question of truth

unrealiable feel of belong-
only love can make me feel so small

i had a dream last night and u died
i dont rememeber it very well
real life translated to my inner world
music was bumping and my favorite band was playing
a rush provoking scene i still hope will become real

it **** me back to the rocks
a replay of my favorite scene of us all
but this time we hid from the stage
we were led away from the show like fate

ive told myself this day had to come for peace of mind
my words that bounced in my head for so long
unhinged but abided

but now bombed u
booming like the music we heard before
rehearsed and chewed

premeditated

faint of thought my throat spit truth
we release from the rock scene
my heart bumping instead of the lyrics

now in the distance
i throw words at u
but u dont seem surprised
did u know all this time?

then punches
this burden i carried that i thought protected me only protected u
where now u look like cherry pie

no fork no spoon
speared across ur face
and ur neck tattoed
my hands forever printed on u

blueberry is my pie-
bruised and blue

my words didnt phase u

enginating something within me, a release
i takeoff-

im in my blue rocket
destination: homicide
it had to be 3 seconds i flyed
it felt like eternity

the rocket bursts and pieces fly
course breaths consumed the still air
this battle of burden
i thought it was finally over, atleast then it was

did u think i couldnt finish the job?

as u stab each broken piece into urself
u became more broken, disjointed
cliche cherry pie-choosing urself and im stuck with the consequences

i killed u to the naked eye
framing me
blaming me

relief when i wake, thankful for the experience of uncommon honestly inside
a sign that this chapter of thought has been closed

pages left behind and new beginnings to unfold
reflecting on this imagined world-
im left wondering who did i give peace to, me or u?

ur mind is set free and now mine?
racing, running-
infinitely in dreamworld