I set an empty plate on the other side of the table
I’ve been expecting her all day, the least she could do is show up for dinner
I pour her some wine, I know she hates red
I write a card and lay out some flowers in case it’s something I said

It’s growing late so I lay out all of the dishes
I eat alone and my hopes diminish as I play our song with no one there to hear it
I even made mashed potatoes, her all-time favorite
I put the wrapped box with her name on it where I know she’ll see it

I end up drinking both glasses
Hell why not the bottle
Another year has passed and I can’t bury the sorrow
Of the choice she made not to wake up on the ‘morrow

Is it my fault she left?
She said I just wasn’t enough this time
But I tried my best
I’ve never been able to get the guilt off of my chest

"i would die for you"
was always the utmost declaration of unconditional love.
what more could be wanted than one who
would sacrifice themselves so that you could live?
very few know that some things are worse
than death.

"i would die for you"
is not the the truest test of boundless love.
for some, it is not death that they fear most
some even wish for death to arrive on their doorstep,
to take them away from the hell of living
to the peaceful limbo of after-death.
for many, for someone else is not the only reason
that they would willingly give up their life.

"i would die for you"
means NOTHING to many.
and true love MEANS SOMETHING.
so for sadly too many,
"i would die for you"
is not enough.

after all,
for too many,
you do not truly love the face that drives you towards
the razor, the pill bottle, the frayed rope.
you truly love the face that
stops your shaking hand from
etching your pain permanently onto your skin
you truly love the face that you would
walk through your own personal hell for
you truly love the face that you would
*LIVE FOR.

wrapped up in pretzel shapes on my bed in the middle of the night
contorting and twisting
holding my head, lifting my legs
bending my knees
happily.
much unlike the way you contorted me for your own pleasure
much unlike the pretzel you kneaded me into
alike, but different.
so different.

such a sweet tinkling
to bring such ugly words
you are an animal
you are a monster
you are right
i never deserved you