My daughter called today crying, and said
"I miss you daddy, when are you moving closer?"

Any other day

I would just tell her "I'll be there soon, baby"
but those words seized up in my throat
and refused to pour from my lips

On most days, I would tell her
"Baby, Sometimes you have lay the foundation,
before you can build the house" and her
sleeping on the floor and giving me her bed to sleep in
or giving me the 5 dollars that she had saved from her allowance
isn't a viable option (though a heart like her's makes a father proud)

but today

Today I was three seconds
from melting down, the process
signaled by tears that formed like lava
quiet pools meant to renew, gathering at the corners
of these weathered eyes, and it took all the strength I had
not to curl up in the fetal position and close my eyes
until the world turned black

I held everything inside for a few moments longer
just long enough to let her know
that I love her and to say goodbye
I realized at that moment that I had waged this war far too long
and losing a battle like this was not the end of the world, so today  
I held up a white flag in surrender, and gave in

There's something about crying, it's like hitting the reset button
it buys you a few more days before the next breakdown
before the next time life tries to break you
So I cried in my car, alone....

*because today she needed to see strength
and not the cracks in my armor.

yeah you tell me you love me,
when I know I'm the not the only one your telling those words too,
you say I'm crazy,
when I know your words are always half-truths.
now your smiling,
forget it ,
your smile has lost its affect on me.
you look pathetic,
tryna patronize me,
you forgetting I'm not a kid,
but a woman who fell in love with a kid.
your childishly screaming at me,
childishly saying,
"I don't know anything about what your saying".
I'm saying you need to grow up,
I need a real man in my life,
face reality,
this me me facing the door,
exiting,
forgetting,
the day I took a step in our "home".

///

Everything is separated from each other
But when you see silently
It seems all together
The day sleeps in the night as I exist in you

The born,
The death all for thee
Black or white
True or false all for thee

The continents are separated, isolated
As we are alienated from each other
But on the other hand we are all together
Apparently we are  moving toward the different direction

The dark,
The light all for thee
Silence or thunder
Melody or chaos all for thee

Either it’s a stone or an emotion
Even either love or hate,
Neither war nor peace
Neither dialectics nor mystic
All  have bent you and me

There are too many invisible divine strings
On every matter or even every non matter
yet bonded with the heaven and the hell
So, all we move toward the same destination

///
@ Musfiq us shaleheen

can we pretend like everything is like yesterday,
pretend the smiles on are faces are the same,
as they were the other day,
the day you met me and I met you,
back then the love was truly real,
who ever said dreams come true,
is the biggest liar I've ever met because if they were,
I wouldn't be here stuck with you,
missing you,
even though your right here next to me,
but living my dream oh happy endings,
with my prince charming.