I just can't seem to understand
What it was that changed your mind.
All this time I thought I knew you,
When really I was blind.

But know that I don't hate you
And I know I never will,
Because I cared about you then
And I care about you still.

Even though you hurt me,
I can't seem to let you go
But I will go on without you
And I want to make sure you know.

It will take some time to mend,
The damage that you've done
But broken hearts do heal,
That's where strength comes from.

For now the tears may fall
And my thoughts keep circling to you
But things may get better
If you have hope, they always do.

When I looked into your eyes,
I saw myself in them.
The sparkle in them was so bright
But somehow it didn't seem right
Coz that sparkle was not real,
You don't know how I feel
But maybe even if you knew
There's nothing you would do.
You are the most beautiful lie
Baby, you make me fly.
You are the ugliest truth
Which in the end leaves me in Ruth.

You stand in front of the mirror...
Can you imagine what it would be like to be that one girl/boy that everyone liked? That everyone thought was so amazing and you longed to be just like them in anyway shape or form possible?
You realize you're nothing like them. That you are just that hopeless romantic, the day-dreamer, crazed perfectionist, who stands in the shadows of a fake personality. Covered by lies trying to gain just the slightest bit of self worth to make yourself feel like you matter.
You stand in front of the mirror...
Are you even a real person, or someone who just strives to be like one.

Dear God,
If you exist,
Show me light.
If you exist,
Tell me what's right.
If you're real,
Guide me out
Of this vortex
Of false dreams and hopes.

Dear God,
If you are in me,
Cleanse my demons.
If you live within,
Eradicate the monsters.
If you dwell inside,
Overwhelm me with happiness.

Dear God,
If you are substantial,
Help me reach the stars.
If you are existential,
Let me break out
Of my sealed shell.

Dear God,
If you are worth believing in,
Show me why.
If I must be loyal,
Tell me why.
If I must pray to you,
Give me reason.

But, dear God,
If you cease to exist,
And fail to show me
The mysteries
And wonders
Of the world beyond
My fears and obstacles,
I will not
And cannot
Believe in anything more
Than the demons
Inside me,
The monsters
Eating me.
I will be left
With no option,
But to be faithful
To the devils
And cry my troubles
On to their deaf ears,
Only to see
That my worries-
They just double.

Dear God,
I want to believe
That you exist.
I want to be able
To see the truth.
I want to believe
That you are the truth.
I want to be able
To notice your deeds
And be a loyal being
To your blessing.

But, dear God,
I just need you
To show me you are here
And to guide me
Away from my fears.

I know not
Why I'm choked back
By tears in my throat
And my eyes
Travelling into a haze.

But God,
If you hear me,
Tell me what
I want to hear.
Tell me you're there
Tell me you love me
Tell me you'll bless me
Tell me you care.

Please,
Dear God,
Don't let me
Slip into the demon's lair.

I get happy sometimes.
Right now I'm happy.
I like it.
It's refreshing.
The happiness fills me.
Right to the top.
I love it.

I should be happy.

I woke up alive and well,
I should be happy.

I have new books to read,
I should be happy.

I have 490 songs on my iPod,
I should be happy.

I have good grades in school,
I should be happy.

I have friends who I can talk to and fangirl with,
I should be happy.

I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me,
I should be happy.

I should be happy,
I'm not happy.

(a.d)

Peeling skin and broken dreams
Splitting, cracking at the seams
Frustration, sorrow, passion, love
Cooing softly as a mourning dove.
Wails and screams cloaked in red
Holding hearts already bled.
Emotions one cannot express
Thrown together in a mess.
Desperation, overwhelmed
Escaping to a whole new realm.
Enveloped in a sense of relief
Making burdens much more brief.