Is this real?
Or make-believe?
Always falling
But you're falling with me.

Lifetime in repeat.

Hold my hand as we go
Down this rabbit hole,
Confused by the motion,
The seasons, the years...
Your laugh making gravity worth it.

Exposed - the final destination is known,
Around we go.
Like yesterday's been,
And yesterday's gone.

Feel the crisp Winter air,
Look at the people,
How they smile
Or how they moan,
I wonder, do they know?
That we can have everything,
But nothing alone.

Too much to do
But I'm not lazy
Too much to think
And I'm ever complaining.
Is it my fault I wander?
That these crickets in my head
Never lay down to rest
They just buzz and jump with laughter.

I am done with these thoughts
Which race inside my head
I am done with felling restless
When I'm laying down in bed

Vanish into thin air thought
Forever you be gone!
No more carrying you around
As if you weighed a tonne

Thoughts, I thought I'd lost you
Way up in the sky
But those sneaky thoughts lay down to rest
And never leave my side

I have a beautiful mind
Do you see this when you look at me?
Or do you only see the mask,
That is my face
Hiding underneath
Which tires you to see

Tears are heavy
Behind these eyes
In the morning
They wait, and remain
In disguise,
Like a pool of lies,
Whilst sleeping they reside
Within myself I cry

Do you see a cocoon
Of a butterfly
That didn't bloom?
Because I can see beyond
most things
and maybe you did too
Subconsciously pervading
A spindle of of thoughts,
Thought up
To hide the ones
That were there
Just bursting to come out
But you left them there,
Underneath
And never let me see
So I'm a butterfly
Caged and waiting
For truth to set me free

Leaves alight
Ice in my veins
calmest crawling calamity,
Slowly enraging serenity

Ashen fall
Forever frail and perishable
An insignificant mass of beautiful petals
Crushed beyond repair
You don't want to hide it
You know what's there

I didn't do it for me
I did it for you
And that's what helped me bloom
I was gone and you were there
Repairable don't you see?
The holding ground of your roots is strong
You weren't affected by the storm

Show me daylight,
Show me warmth
Let my sweet serendipitous buds form
I would say it is the end of crumpled leaves
and worn out weeds
But truth be told
I will always be close to withering
So endure the inevitable
Entwine our pedicles and
Let's claim the soil together
Please never rely on weather
My bloom is more reliant
on the Sun than you might think

I want you to want me
I understand if you don't,
For I am broken.
I'm not saying I'm out of the ordinary
Secretly everyone wants that, no
I am broken, so
Quickly return me
Whilst the receipt is still valid
Not that I
Will ever foolishly be sold,
For I am broken.

Would you love me,
If I loved you?
Because I do.
Simple.
Now hold me in your arms
Let the world melt away
Like it was meant for just the two of us
Like everyone else's taking up
Too much room
Now look at me.
And love me
The way I love you.

Feel the blood coursing through you
An insatiable desire
That even if your arms
Were ripped from their sockets
You wouldn't dare to move
Now look at me.
And love me
The way I love you.

My life is caught in confusion
I'm full of delusions
Don't know what I'm doing
I'm full of excuses

What is the use of it all?
Will I fail will I fall?
Will I walk will I crawl?
And if I don't love
what's it matter at all?

If I've failed the subtleties of this
A tender smile, a tender kiss
Failed to love
Renders this existence
Overwhelmingly useless

So hold me strong
We'll go on
There'll be a point
Where we move on from
Bitterness, feeling careless
like nothing ever mattered less

Just waiting for the start
A dying of self
I'm sick of never caring about
somebody else
To the extent to which my friends
Look like everyone else

And my family's gone where?
I don't know
They're in limbo
Right now though
It's cold and it's dark
It doesn't feel like home

I've got to stay true
To what I set out to do
Which in hindsight I conclude
I haven't got a clue
Just something better for you
Any of you.
I want to be the one to say
You didn't go where I've got to

I've got a void
I just can't shake
It can't be filled
With Styrofoam
I need to know
How to replace
Memories, love
And this empty space

I love you when you're sleeping
Even the way you rest your head
I love the words I want to hear
Though never hear them said

I love you when you're sleeping
I listen to your heartbeat
Feel you safe and warm
As you lay down beside me

The morning is a new day
For now, all is right
Which every night time comes again
Each time you close your eyes

Jonquils - sweet perfume
The scent like you
And I hold to the
Effervescent plume
Of escape
Transporting me away;
If only I could wake
And see your face
Rather than
Just iridescent views of you

And I wait for you like full moons
But a month is just too soon
For a fleeting shimmer
Of a girl like you
Maybe May, maybe June
I know how you love the winter gloom
But you shine brighter in the spring time,
And the flowers love it too.

Embrasse-moi lentement

The lavender sweet perfume;
A little too old for you
Though you were always more
Of a summer child
I seized you in a Winters night
Migrating birds,
Together we took flight

You crumble I know
Under a gentle kiss,
Not nips and grips
At such tenderness,
I value you sweet Delilah
With more than primitiveness

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .


That dusky lavender scent
Still draws me in,
The cuddliness of the years
Still comforts inward tears
And I never let go of you, my girl
That young sweet 16,
Who never knew love

Though all those many years ago
You played me for a security- false
It was true, sincere
I needed you here;
Now that you’re gone,
I feel myself disappear.

Look away
In Scotland's highland rain,
In a smooth round sheltered cave
(hiding away)
Gentle stream heard above,
So much steadier than us.
Filled with lust and confusion,
Faltering with this possible certainty...

(These hearts could beat as one as they are starting to)

Look away
There's three words I can't say
Lost their meaning somewhere...
Along the way.
The rain is faltering too,
I hear a latent tune
Coming towards us again.
Wrap your arms
Like that firefly confused
About this turn of weather
That came too soon.
Coat my heart once more
Til its beat is all I hear,
You're looking at me so strong
Defined glistening eyes...

Look away
I'm in disguise.
I stare at limp leaves,
Muddy, strewn upon stony ground...

Look away
I catch my breath
It's almost like you knew

Two imperfect souls,
Moving perfectly in tune

Like this summer storm above us
You came unexpectedly - too soon
But I'm still standing here
Waiting.
For one of us to move.

You prefer succulents over grass
Plastic abhorred to glass
Preserve the trembling cast
The remnants,
Life’s artefacts
My heart, the truth -
Sincerity
Comforting and humble
With you I’m free

You are the rhythm in my bones
My present, past and future known
With you like roads made cobblestone
I cannot live without my heart
I cannot live if we’re apart
At least at heart please keep me be
For bound to you I’m totally free

'The biggest problem with communication is that we don’t listen to understand, we listen to respond.'

You trace my bottomless eyes to the pit of my stomach
You stare at the tip of my tongue,
With that sordid tang on it;
Reassure me now,
I am not the cause of it.

Taste, but not too late
The stuff of which
I am made.
Never think
I would clean the bottom
Piety of your sink

Would you hear me?
Muffled in a crowd?
Where my delusions
Of your confusions
Are shrouded

I smell repugnance
And make nothing of it
O the fancies of tongues
Bowed, I make nothing of it
In the crowd I hear your sound
I make nothing of it
My rejoinder blaring loud
You make nothing of it

The boil of the grey water
Murky glasses unclean -
Silent unorderly

I make a run for it.

Paradise of the mind
A precarious place to be,
The jungle of sleep.
Wake. Sleep.
A cyclical smile arises
Easing societal surprises,
You’ve got them at your feet
Child.
All you’re doing is counting,
And everyone can sleep.
Run sand run.
Sleep sloth sleep.
Sporadically blitz,
Contrasting brain blip
Turn your head
And sleep.
‘We will be there soon’
And you show them your
Ticket.
Can you smile?
Just for fun
I hear a conversation running
Simultaneously.

Similarly
Rhythmically

Potatoes
Same as last week.
Staring at those peas
Counting the –
Components and compartments,
To fit your
Flesh and bone things.

Dry lips
Soft sounds
Creaking house
Soft skin
I read your lips
Have you ever heard
Of a feeling quite like this?
Have you ever felt something so slow?
It felt so wrong
But now you feel so whole
And the darkness covers all
The sweetest sigh, the fastest fall,
When the dark is so safe and so warm
When the darkness feels like home
When the only light that's guiding you
Is breathing, feeling
Slow

You are apart of my together and a part of my apart.

Sometimes I could hold you a million and forever,
Sometimes a minute seems too long.

You are one among my many a thousand restless days.

Sometimes I need you for the mundane tasks,
Sometimes celebration is due without you.

All I know is no matter whether,

you are my near,
or my far
(my together or my apart)

You will always be my someone
I love with all my heart.

Around me people are moving
Buzzing, swarming, fluttering
And living.
Legs moving but I am stationary
Stationary as a pencil
And my life is being written for me
And every slip outside the lines
Is erased - reluctantly
Not without grudges
Leaving contorting smudges.
And the world around me changes
But I am stationary
And they can live without me.

'So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.’
- William Shakespeare

Could you be my best for last?
It’s the want that can ache.
Afraid. Content nonetheless,
A golden cage self-made.

Save me and take me
Gollum of my youth.
Haven’t a clue
Where I’m going,
But I’m sure I came with you.
Transmuted from your touch.
This is a climactic heap
Whatever this is –

Offering affairs and wares.
Beautiful stilted tomb,
Cradle my stone bedside,
Accompany the whistling tune.

Tracing every spindling crack
Admiring it like an artefact,
Leave me,
Like a child at a museum
Getting lost and losing track,
Tracking back
Mused, amazed,
Wonderment haze.

Damp shadows cast their way with us
Never to be dust.
Forlorn loss of clarity,
Walls waxed with tears and
forged with alchemy,
Our very own reality.
Eyes flicker in perpetuum,
In love with what surrounds me.

'Our little lives are rounded by sleep'
As ambiguous as a dream
Deceiving; nothing is ever
As simple as it seems.

Each time it grows a little darker
Each tear a little sharper
Make it stay a while longer
Let it gleam and feel its heat
Be okay with not okay
Feel elated there’s a beat

Because we are so much more than this moment
This moment doesn’t own me
I think yesterday I smiled
And today I couldn’t speak
Wrap me up and feed me
Water me like a mule
But I’ll make it through this new day
If it’s the only thing I do

Love be my saviour
Let it be true,
Let you be my everything
When I have found you,
I'm not overly particular
I only want to be your sun,
I can revolve around you
We don't have to be one,
Let me love you
Let me see you,
For everything you are
Let us laugh,
And be surprised
By the power of complete trust,
Our love is unconditional
It is never obsolete,
And should our love prevail
And the toughest times shine through,
Let us find our way back to each other
One day when I've found you.

Your wild blue eyes
A mystery to me,
Haunt me in my dreams,
I never want to leave
Taunt me as they glisten,
Shine and reflect the light
I get lost in moving tides
Like swimming in the sea at night
Why do I feel so alone
When I look into your soul?
Maybe there's more to discover
In your lonesome uncharted waters
Anything you share with me
I'd be gentle, I wouldn't chide
I can't help but notice the depths
When I look into your eyes

One day
You will be
The air I breathe,
The world I will see
Clearly

To be your wife
Will be wholly known
We'll have a house
To call our own
In a Winter mid July
The day will come,
When God grants us
Our first born son
When everything is said and done
We'll have each other
To call our own

God in heaven
And in my heart
I thank you for this
Brand new start
As a loving wife
And a child of God
I am wholly known

You looked at me
Looked - right through my soul
Exposed.
You traced every vein upon my skin
You looked at me - so brave
Not afraid to look in.