I have read books and watched movies and listened to songs
About death
which made me curious
How is it to be dead?
What does afterlife look like?
Is there really life after death?
Curiosity made me want to **** myself
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS.
Jump and fall?
Dive and drown?
Cross the road and get hit by a bus?
But then I realized,
I just had to fall in love
Only then would I die a thousand times in a thousand ways.

I hate everything that reminds you of her
All the songs, and movies and places, even food, and pictures,
and memories and feelings and promises
I know I can never get rid of them
But I want to be your favorite memory and your best memory
And if possible, despite of the low probability,
Your one and only memory.
But no matter how much I try,
How is it possible to be haunted by a ghost of someone who is still alive?
How would she accept my apology if I couldn't even forgive myself?
Ah, maybe this is the thing they call 'guilt'
I am trapped and locked up and the key seemed to be thrown away in a blackhole
I can't seem to move on.
Please save me from drowning in my selfishness.

How will I be my truest self
If I am trapped in someone else's body?
I want to man up,
but the society dictates otherwise

How will I bloom where I was planted
If I am fed up with insecurities?
I want to prove myself,
but the people around me are pushing me down

How will I try my best
If I am showered with rejections?
I want to give my hundred percent,
but everyone doesn't seem to care at all

I want to be a/the better person
But maybe, I am doing it wrong

I like hurting myself.
It makes me feel alive
The physical pain,
The emotional torture,
Masochism.
I find satisfaction in letting myself feel unwanted.
I cry myself to sleep almost every night
I find contentment in bawling my eyes out
The process of breaking my heart is the proof that it is still beating,
that I am still breathing,
and still very much alive.
The fact that I am sad, makes me glad
It reminds me of my
existence –soon to be dissolved by my own blood and tears.

Sometimes, we end things
without the intention of continuing it any longer

Sometimes, we end things
because we fear the possible consequence

Sometimes, we end things
for the pleasure of tormenting people

Sometimes, we end things
to prevent ourselves from getting hurt

Sometimes, we end things
because of confusion and uncertainty

But sometimes,
things go beyond our control

Because sometimes,
things just end–

When I was eleven, I wrote a song
For someone, about someone
I used to stare at the sky
Wondering if she's there, finally coming back home
But then I ended up waiting, and waiting
Soon everything became blurry
She came back, then left once more
And again, and again
Until I got used to it
I had to understand why
But eventually my heart just got tired
I ended up staring blankly at the sky
Wondering why some people have to leave
When it's actually their presence you really need

"Time heals everything," they say
I disagree.
Not everything can be healed by time
Some wounds never recover
No matter how long you wait
No matter how much you try
It will and would always be there
Feeling fresh and new
Much more painful than a heartbreak
It's when you are judged
From head to toe
Based on their so-called righteousness
When in fact, they're just being inhumane
They forget to think and care for other people's feelings
They just judge and insult you
Like you have no heart
Like they have no hearts
And I don't think they do have hearts
Because if they do
They won't be as insensitive as they are being right now
You want to forgive and forget
But you just can't
Because it's your whole being being stepped on
You want to shout at them and scream onto their faces
But all you can do is just run away
Run away from the people who condemned you
Just because you're not like them