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Oct 2015 · 626
Dense of August
Julia Oct 2015
desperate air
& every piece of body,
named on countless charts
in countless schoolroom closets
but only felt to me
in shimmers of springs
& soft running steps
on moss & oak leaves,
trembles & thrives in the space
between roots.
I feel it when there is wind
in the valley of the small of
the back of the adolescent cedar,
& unpolished beetles play me
twilight nocturnes in hopes
that I will break out of
silk fetters into the
dense of August to be
no one but myself.
Jul 2014 · 575
21
Julia Jul 2014
21
A body
three times
renewed
every 7 years, they say.
Jul 2014 · 1.2k
Komorebi
Julia Jul 2014
Below, blades are not
safe from snooping golden glares.
And at night, the moon.
Komorebi - Japanese word for when sunlight filters through the trees.
Jun 2014 · 668
Intention (10w)
Julia Jun 2014
The difference between
those old mustard stains
and Jackson *******.
Jun 2014 · 1.0k
Grasping
Julia Jun 2014
Resign to me, give in.

let me live in the shakes of your
body
let me revel
in the trembles of
pupils dilating
fingers grasping

make eye contact

shiver deeply beneath me
gasp

let me
in
May 2014 · 1.1k
Fond
Julia May 2014
Affection blooms within the cracks
where the heart has
split into fertile vulnerability
& is quenched by showers of kindness,
patiently & selflessly.

I've grown a love for you;
take it gently & easily
& plant it within your emptiness;
grow for me,
too.
May 2014 · 462
Across
Julia May 2014
Is it wrong to miss you?

What if we both run
parrallel lines along
snowy walks--
legs stepping across
bleached streets like
soldiers in unison,
at the same time,
together;
but still,
still parallel.
I learned in elementary school
that we can never ever
touch.
Written on a train
May 2014 · 430
L'art pour L'art
Julia May 2014
If we are all just for our own sake,
what conclusion could we ever come to?
What are we then,
how--what makes us so great
that even our mere existance is
the explanation of our presence;
each some sort of unique gift to the universe?
I, you, we are each a bundle of cells,
hormones, arguably a soul,
but definitely atoms in space--
space, which is both infinitely large
& infinitely small.

Instead of right or wrong,
we are diminished to foolish little snowflakes,
all dumbly in our own way, "human."
"Art for art's sake," we are all
paintings on the mantle:
abstract & upside-down,
but nobody can tell the difference.
May 2014 · 1.0k
What I Never Learned
Julia May 2014
How to:
focus on letters falling
out of your mouth like
a leaky spigot when
you have orchard eyes &
honeysuckle lashes that I
am positive would feel
like the down of the most
expensive pillow if
brushed against my
fingertips, & lilac breath
that dances around your
dripping syllables so gracefully
& dissipates like the sweetest
fog around me so that
I cannot see past you;
but why, why
on Earth would I
ever look away?
Apr 2014 · 3.0k
Pebble
Julia Apr 2014
I grow weary of increasingly less
complex humans approaching me
in halls & wanting nothing more
than to see me naked in their bed
& when I say
no
no
no,
how about we talk about why
people die or the shape of
the wind
,
they get


                  blown

                                 ­                   away

in
it
Apr 2014 · 4.1k
Vision
Julia Apr 2014
Honesty is
doing a perfect job
on a blind woman's
hairstyle.
Apr 2014 · 517
Funeral Home (Haiku)
Julia Apr 2014
Flowers on the wreath
of the funeral home door;
beautiful to none
Mar 2014 · 4.2k
Ecclesiastes
Julia Mar 2014
You ask me what I feel & think
(because the two are distinctly their own)
about the utter absurdity
& pointlessness of life

& out the windows cars go by
& up in space meteors fly
& sitting in this vinyl booth is me;
not alive long enough to know,
but who was seen many injustices--
yet knowing not a thing to do about them,
looks to those next to me,
who have only seen worse.

I do not know why the universe keeps expanding
or why my professor gives Monday exams
or why my poems are all the same
or why people in my life keep leaving
(or why I keep pushing them out?)--
messages marked "read" with no
response or
rhyme
or reason or
rationality.

Maybe the point is that
there is no point
Mar 2014 · 1.2k
Memory
Julia Mar 2014
If I never remember you,
how many times did we touch?

If there are no pictures,
where did we go together?

The past is the dust on
the dashboard of your car,
one speck for each moment
that is forgotten--
Did we ever happen?
Mar 2014 · 460
Lungs (10w)
Julia Mar 2014
Maybe G-d
is in
the air?
I just keep
breathing
Feb 2014 · 851
Separate Streams
Julia Feb 2014
Some people
promise unity, but the
                                next day they are just different                people  *
              wanting different things, thrown back     *into

             the world like the unwanted      fish,
                                   hook still buried                           *deep
Fish shape
Jan 2014 · 711
Anew
Julia Jan 2014
& then it begins;
the first moment,
the second moment,
the first & second
series of moments
where there is beauty
outside of you
& it is so very unreal
that even the sun
seems to shine brighter
in places where you
are not.
Building bridges.
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
Wavelengths
Julia Jan 2014
Meaning is entirely
subjective in a
world where
some
starve &
others *******
& someone,
somewhere,
breaks an iPhone.

How do I find unanimity
in the midst of spectrums,
ranges, & degrees in which
one
falls?

Who is like me?
Who is like you?
Jan 2014 · 1.3k
Exist
Julia Jan 2014
God.

God is the shapes
on my ceiling.
He is the sliver of light
filtered through my window.

God is the thirty-inch space
between roof & fallen branch.
He is the kiss of dew drops
& the breeze on my neck.

God is the flame
of discipline.
He is the declaration
of saddened exile.

God is goosebumps
that proclaim "I hear you!"
He is the rise &
the fall of empires.

God is the sky
which engulfs all
in loving despair.
Written in early 2013.
Dec 2013 · 1.6k
Thinner
Julia Dec 2013
if only my ribs were an
xylophone for melodies

maybe if I had venus
dimples and a smooth curve

perhaps a space between
thighs for fears to fall through

wishing for a dip
between my hips

food
Dec 2013 · 793
Suns
Julia Dec 2013
Is it you--
are you the rain
that my children
dance in?
Are you the
harvester of long
grains and seeds
that the lone bird
feeds on?

To know you
is to know for an
eternity.
It is you,
the hand of death,
the whisperer of
rustling motions,
who knows of both
the grandest scope
and of who I am
in my smallest ways.
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
Reach
Julia Dec 2013
I                    car         ved        you   out o              f
              w             ood          and    out o                       f        
                 m               y       hand  s                     you              
gr      ew      back into          what
you were; a beautiful tree
who grew to reach
all of the
beautiful
stars. I should
have let you be.
Nov 2013 · 838
Idealized
Julia Nov 2013
A b s t r a c t

never ending
never starting


cannot be
seen



what was ever
so true
about

love,

anyway?
Nov 2013 · 943
Jonathan
Julia Nov 2013
The world will not stop
spinning for me,
not ever.
The birds will not be
mute for me,
not a chance.

The only thing that will
stop for me
is a heartbeat--
for I am too
small of an amazement
for the traffic,
the rain.

Though, I do not
expect the world to
cease in the moment of
my passing,
my mysterious disappearance.
(an empty body,
an empty shell).

Being a part of this
world means being
disposable.

Knowing you means that
I wish I could love you more,
perhaps differently.

Knowing you means that
I will finally know loss.

I will not cease to pause for you.
Nov 2013 · 1.1k
Try me
Julia Nov 2013
I don't know how
the birds always stay singing
& the trees' leaves always
grow back,
greener than before,
while I get smaller inside with
each passing fall.

Everyone says that I am
a perfect fit,
but no one ever wears me.
Oct 2013 · 1.4k
I am double-spaced
Julia Oct 2013
"Something along those lines, yes."
& that's just it, that's what I am--
something that can never quite walk the line;
shy-girl, watching-girl,
always-on-the-tip-of-my-tongue-girl,
dancing around the main idea,
the true center of the words.
I am along the lines,
between the notes,
& you are the greatest symphony.
Oct 2013 · 870
Almost
Julia Oct 2013
Perhaps it is the phenomenon
of being constantly,
perfectly out of reach that
keeps me going in the mornings
when there is no glow,
& the comfort of living within
my alotted skin has vanished.

Perhaps it is the season,
these months of leaves
cascading,
that guides me,
gently,
down.
Oct 2013 · 851
Noon
Julia Oct 2013
I'm sure that when you look at her
you see waking up together on cold
winter mornings,
she wrapping the robe more tightly
across her chest in attempt to save
body heat.

I hate the idea of strangers.
Sep 2013 · 1.0k
Rorschach
Julia Sep 2013
They asked me,
"What do       you see?"
& in each on                                                                          e I saw you,
in a different sh                                    ade, a different  
distance away (calling                                                 to me? Reaching out?),  
     so I said I saw a                                          few ducks & an old  
   woman smok                                                                ing a cigarette  
& someth                            ing like a
scho                 ol bus,
but you are not those things.

I do not see
the diamonds in you.
Sep 2013 · 782
Strings
Julia Sep 2013
Sometimes I look at
the sky & wonder
how much bluer
it could get, & just
when I think that
there is no limit,
the sky turns on me
& asks me, "how
blue can
you get?"
& then I realize that
the scariest part of
me is that I just don't
know where the



























bottom is.
Sep 2013 · 2.5k
Marigolds
Julia Sep 2013
Sometimes I wish I were
a marigold;
so faithful to the sun,
rising alongside you.
& dusk--close my petals
around the promise
of your return
& never have to sleep
alone again.
Marigold flower petals open with the sunrise & close with the sunset.

My handwriting: http://i.imgur.com/TPYmOcy.jpg
Sep 2013 · 752
Magnetic
Julia Sep 2013
there are these days
where I spin like the Earth--
in a scientific destiny,
cosmic mystery--
whirling with some
astronomical cause that is
unbeknownst to me
Aug 2013 · 921
blueprint blue
Julia Aug 2013
post mirrors
everywhere so you
can be sure to see me out in


the open


in the closed   , at any angle
I am observed
      close in your eyes

     you see
I am   e       x   p     o  s    e  d
I have  no
secrets    my doors are

open &    what's to see but
complete & total emptiness?


sleep I'm falling it's
funny how we
fall into the mindless;
sleep ,    love .
we walk through doors    we run
on tracks ,    but we
     f
     a
     L
     l
        into the overwhelming pleasures
             of


vulnerability
Aug 2013 · 1.4k
Petunias
Julia Aug 2013
There are some things
about people that are impossible
to forget--
the scent of hair,
an arch of the back,
the piercing power of eyes,
a certain freckle,
a crooked smile,
a subtle gaze,
& a voice that brings
the tide in.
Aug 2013 · 926
Overheat (Nonet)
Julia Aug 2013
Three nights in a row, you came to me,
And it still was only Wednesday.
I tried to help you each time--
I sang songs of my heart,
But you demanded
An orchestra.
So I failed,
Of course.
"Thanks."
Jul 2013 · 863
Shadow to Shadow
Julia Jul 2013
If I were not one that was with the night,
Perhaps I would be frightened in the dark.
Fear is merely ruled by what is unknown,
But what if knowing you and all your quirks
Leaves me with an abhorrence for the light?
First actual attempt at blank verse.
Jul 2013 · 1.6k
Impact
Julia Jul 2013
Do you ever think about
what it would be like
if you had died that night?

With bitter words,
I do.

Have you ever thought of
the one less name called
at graduation?

Of all the empty
chairs?

An empty bed,
a disconnected phone number,
a fresh memory,
one less prom ticket,
one less twin,
one more grave.
In my own handwriting.
http://i.imgur.com/6x73lE5.jpg
Jun 2013 · 856
Linger
Julia Jun 2013
I lay face down on the sheets
                           on the pillow
                    t   ng
                      a    led in blankets

breathing in every last bit of euphoria
   injecting it into my bloodstream
watching the insides of my eyelids
             turn
ORANGE
                                                     ­                                          PINK
                                                BLUE

s     ­        l
  w      r      i      g           around
       i            n
                                           until I can once again
feel the heat of your fireplace
  again in my heart
                                                     between my thighs
because
               the scent of you in my bed
is the scent of granted wishes
                     of guilty seduction,
                 reasons why we never leave the porch.

It is the call into the wild

         that sends the beaten, driven out

dreams tip-toeing out from behind

        the trees, the dark bars of reality
Jun 2013 · 1.9k
Dandelions
Julia Jun 2013
Look there in the field--
a funeral march for the lost desires,
a waltz for the mourning.
Can you see them?
The bald, wasted wishes
dancing high above the heads
of the grass,
in the wind,
quivering with sadness.
Jun 2013 · 904
Macro
Julia Jun 2013
If every grain of sand

mattered much to us,

in our hearts,

then we would

know more what it is

to be G-d,

who loves us all,

every grain.
May 2013 · 802
Sway
Julia May 2013
G-d meant something
when He made a tree

I wish I had that many
branches myself,
to reach out
up
May 2013 · 786
Shadow
Julia May 2013
The grown-ups insisted
that G-d always stood behind
me, through everything,
but no matter how fast
I ever whirled around
It seemed He was always
one step ahead.
May 2013 · 942
Hidden
Julia May 2013
It's easy to fall in love with
pretty pictures of people,
plastic & proportioned.
I hide the inside with the
flaunt of my feathers, in
courtship of approval
hiding, hoping, hiding,
hoping, get lost in the
rainbows of my facade.
May 2013 · 1.2k
Skeletons
Julia May 2013
The wind
                                                       at my door
                                                                                                              RATTLES me

shakes me
                                                       free of my
                                                                                                               pointed finger

Blameless, I
                                                       turn inwards,
                                                                                                               concave,

I search
                                                       for the love
                                                                                                                in me

& return
                                                       with a bunch
                                                                                                                of old bones,

skeletons of
                                                        myself that
                                                                                                                 I have wasted

away on
                                                         pleasing other
                                                                                                                   people's needs

so that
                                                         they could use me
                                                                                                                   as a net

when they
                                                         fall, & tell me
                                                                                                                   that I pushed

them, that
                                                         it's all my
                                                                                                                   fault.
May 2013 · 1.1k
Opportunity
Julia May 2013
I wake up, it's noon,
I bounce around my mind to find
that it'd be better if you were here,
but I'm not alone anyway.
Endless options sing me songs
as I dance around an empty house,
seemingly infinite.
I hear Emily Dickinson's call of irony
"Dwell in Possibility"
from a girl who never left her home
Perhaps, I, now, should do it too--
dwell, but never pick a road,
as Robert Frost did.
Maybe I will stay idle
& watch my choices melt away
as I let time run free,
crawl into bed & watch the
sun slide across the blue
& call today "No Paths Were Traveled"
From spring break
May 2013 · 947
Traffic (10w)
Julia May 2013
Did you ever stop
to wonder where everyone
was going?
whoosh, whoosh, whoosh
Apr 2013 · 1.2k
Genesis
Julia Apr 2013
There is a ****,
a toxic bit of cancer,
in the garden of my soul

It wraps around
my dreams--
a python of the greenery

Raspy hisses that
the real world doesn't
work that way,


You have to hide your heart
your love, your all
you don't want that pain, do you?


No, I don't, I don't want
that at all, I say,
so I put down my *****

& I am Eve,
banished from the garden
but I do not feel a thing.
Apr 2013 · 2.5k
Playground
Julia Apr 2013
The shout of voices turned my head
I blinked pathetic drops out of my
line of vision & I saw teenagers
on swing sets, too large for their desires
call out new beginnings, budding romance,
& inevitable ending & bitterness to
a couple in the shadows, teasing
their infatuation with meaningless rhymes.
It's all inevitable end, inevitable hurt
people they kiss--& more--
who will linger no longer in their thoughts to come.

The predictable way brought my eyes
back to him, the never ending,
holding the book of Him, The Never Ending,
on this cold dark park bench
& I smiled because I saw all I could
ever fathom in his being.
Apr 2013 · 1.3k
Mist
Julia Apr 2013
float to me

lean on me

I will catch you

weak as the legs

I use to stand

may be,

lay it all on

me,

& I will

requite your

trust with all

the love I have

ever had to

give, just call

I know

you need a

friend, & here

I am;

a stranger
Apr 2013 · 973
Moths
Julia Apr 2013
.   \  /
.I struggle  ||  to find  
.  the words, any  ||  expression for
     the invisible  ||  moths that  
.    flutter  ||  within
                       .      me & whis-  ||  per emotions                      
.                   that I can  ||  never echo            
    .
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