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6.1k · Mar 2013
Nationalism
Julia Mar 2013
I **** & it's okay because
I **** for my country

Wait no, that was a father
that was a son
I watched the life ebb from
the body of an uncle
whose favorite color was green
who loved old music.
I turned this husband,
this pro stone-skipper
into less than a corpse;
into a statistic
a number.


I **** for my country
4.2k · Mar 2014
Ecclesiastes
Julia Mar 2014
You ask me what I feel & think
(because the two are distinctly their own)
about the utter absurdity
& pointlessness of life

& out the windows cars go by
& up in space meteors fly
& sitting in this vinyl booth is me;
not alive long enough to know,
but who was seen many injustices--
yet knowing not a thing to do about them,
looks to those next to me,
who have only seen worse.

I do not know why the universe keeps expanding
or why my professor gives Monday exams
or why my poems are all the same
or why people in my life keep leaving
(or why I keep pushing them out?)--
messages marked "read" with no
response or
rhyme
or reason or
rationality.

Maybe the point is that
there is no point
4.1k · Apr 2014
Vision
Julia Apr 2014
Honesty is
doing a perfect job
on a blind woman's
hairstyle.
3.8k · Dec 2012
Curves
Julia Dec 2012
All of these beautiful people
need to stop revolving around
the scale, she says,
a size 2 with
a waistline
that could cut up
titanium, oh so razor
sharp & perfect, as if
her petite frame was
not enough. Tell me
what she could
know about
a scale
Hypocrite by nature
3.0k · Apr 2014
Pebble
Julia Apr 2014
I grow weary of increasingly less
complex humans approaching me
in halls & wanting nothing more
than to see me naked in their bed
& when I say
no
no
no,
how about we talk about why
people die or the shape of
the wind
,
they get


                  blown

                                 ­                   away

in
it
2.6k · Jan 2013
Ignorance
Julia Jan 2013
I've made graphs,
charts & labels
I've taken tests,
quizzes, solved
equations with
functions & facts
& limits & rules
& statistics
I've put commas
where commas
go, I've used
all of the laws
of punctuation

But I still don't know why it is that I am *me.
2.5k · Apr 2013
Playground
Julia Apr 2013
The shout of voices turned my head
I blinked pathetic drops out of my
line of vision & I saw teenagers
on swing sets, too large for their desires
call out new beginnings, budding romance,
& inevitable ending & bitterness to
a couple in the shadows, teasing
their infatuation with meaningless rhymes.
It's all inevitable end, inevitable hurt
people they kiss--& more--
who will linger no longer in their thoughts to come.

The predictable way brought my eyes
back to him, the never ending,
holding the book of Him, The Never Ending,
on this cold dark park bench
& I smiled because I saw all I could
ever fathom in his being.
2.5k · Sep 2013
Marigolds
Julia Sep 2013
Sometimes I wish I were
a marigold;
so faithful to the sun,
rising alongside you.
& dusk--close my petals
around the promise
of your return
& never have to sleep
alone again.
Marigold flower petals open with the sunrise & close with the sunset.

My handwriting: http://i.imgur.com/TPYmOcy.jpg
2.4k · Feb 2013
Facade
Julia Feb 2013
She fell in love with
the curtain he hung up
around himself;
with the gloss of
woven power.
She became deeply
infatuated with
the slippery silk
hunger of the facade,
obsessing over the
little lustful
beads.
Inspired by a conversation with my friend Will.
http://hellopoetry.com/-william-james-crowell/
2.2k · Feb 2013
Conditional Love
Julia Feb 2013
Should I allow myself
to be flushed down,
deep into the abyss of your misery?
I once went for a stroll in the
garden of faces, all smiling at me;
it was there that I picked you,
removed the ingrown thorns,
& in my hands you bloomed.
Is it fair that I expect such a blossom
to last that many years
with all its healthy petals?
1.9k · Jun 2013
Dandelions
Julia Jun 2013
Look there in the field--
a funeral march for the lost desires,
a waltz for the mourning.
Can you see them?
The bald, wasted wishes
dancing high above the heads
of the grass,
in the wind,
quivering with sadness.
1.7k · Nov 2012
Talk.
Julia Nov 2012
It amazes me that God made mouths,
knowing that they'd talk this much;
                                   judge this much,
                                   hurt this much,
                                   curse this much,
But everybody rambles, everybody spits venom at their mirrored flesh,
people who are just like you, just like me, just like everyone.
We do it anyway.
1.7k · Nov 2012
Anorexia
Julia Nov 2012
I wish I ran
 until I could run no longer
until I was a starved little muscle
& everyone wanted
my picture
1.6k · Jul 2013
Impact
Julia Jul 2013
Do you ever think about
what it would be like
if you had died that night?

With bitter words,
I do.

Have you ever thought of
the one less name called
at graduation?

Of all the empty
chairs?

An empty bed,
a disconnected phone number,
a fresh memory,
one less prom ticket,
one less twin,
one more grave.
In my own handwriting.
http://i.imgur.com/6x73lE5.jpg
1.6k · Dec 2013
Thinner
Julia Dec 2013
if only my ribs were an
xylophone for melodies

maybe if I had venus
dimples and a smooth curve

perhaps a space between
thighs for fears to fall through

wishing for a dip
between my hips

food
1.4k · Aug 2013
Petunias
Julia Aug 2013
There are some things
about people that are impossible
to forget--
the scent of hair,
an arch of the back,
the piercing power of eyes,
a certain freckle,
a crooked smile,
a subtle gaze,
& a voice that brings
the tide in.
1.4k · Oct 2013
I am double-spaced
Julia Oct 2013
"Something along those lines, yes."
& that's just it, that's what I am--
something that can never quite walk the line;
shy-girl, watching-girl,
always-on-the-tip-of-my-tongue-girl,
dancing around the main idea,
the true center of the words.
I am along the lines,
between the notes,
& you are the greatest symphony.
1.3k · Apr 2013
Mist
Julia Apr 2013
float to me

lean on me

I will catch you

weak as the legs

I use to stand

may be,

lay it all on

me,

& I will

requite your

trust with all

the love I have

ever had to

give, just call

I know

you need a

friend, & here

I am;

a stranger
1.3k · Mar 2013
Ache
Julia Mar 2013
She laughed & told me
life's not fair
& if there's anything that I learned
in school that week,
it was that

sometimes, the dunes
are not caressed by the ocean waves,
not kissed goodnight
in laps of foamy seas in high tides.

Some nights, the darkness
of the atmosphere is not illuminated,
not awakened by nature's nightlight
O, how the stars ache!

Sometimes, green-painted men
are shipped across oceans
like little plastic toys
to **** people they've never met.
"Life's not fair."
1.3k · Jan 2014
Exist
Julia Jan 2014
God.

God is the shapes
on my ceiling.
He is the sliver of light
filtered through my window.

God is the thirty-inch space
between roof & fallen branch.
He is the kiss of dew drops
& the breeze on my neck.

God is the flame
of discipline.
He is the declaration
of saddened exile.

God is goosebumps
that proclaim "I hear you!"
He is the rise &
the fall of empires.

God is the sky
which engulfs all
in loving despair.
Written in early 2013.
1.3k · Mar 2013
Relapse
Julia Mar 2013
The joy of the day after
was the song of my soul
free from the restraints of
language, from the bars of
repression & rejection, the
way nobody wants it to be.
I don't have storage for all
of this love that I am penting
up inside. I place what I can,
what I have to, in closed-doored
hearts of friends who can't,
or won't, reciprocate. My love
is prisoner, starving for takers,
for a listening ear & a loving
heart.

Starving for takers,
but hungry for you.
A bit old, about a month ago. Funny how fast feelings change.
1.3k · Feb 2013
Deception (10w)
Julia Feb 2013
Show me pretty eyes,
and I will show you deception
1.2k · Mar 2014
Memory
Julia Mar 2014
If I never remember you,
how many times did we touch?

If there are no pictures,
where did we go together?

The past is the dust on
the dashboard of your car,
one speck for each moment
that is forgotten--
Did we ever happen?
1.2k · Nov 2012
Zoom in, Zoom out
Julia Nov 2012
There's so much at every level.
To see a crowd,
what is its purpose?
A figure in that crowd,
study their expressions & reactions.
Learn their name, meet their parents.
Discover their secrets,
all of the beautiful complexity of
a human being.
All the emotions & viewpoints & passing thoughts
the familiar, indescribable motions of
all the joints in their body,
never to be mimicked.
To fall in love,
or to simply love,
with an individual for every aspect
even those you don't care for;
that individual
in the crowd
in the city
in the country
on this planet
in this universe.
A mere statistic.
1.2k · Feb 2013
War (10w)
Julia Feb 2013
Bravery is the disease
that leads men into
their graves.
1.2k · May 2013
Skeletons
Julia May 2013
The wind
                                                       at my door
                                                                                                              RATTLES me

shakes me
                                                       free of my
                                                                                                               pointed finger

Blameless, I
                                                       turn inwards,
                                                                                                               concave,

I search
                                                       for the love
                                                                                                                in me

& return
                                                       with a bunch
                                                                                                                of old bones,

skeletons of
                                                        myself that
                                                                                                                 I have wasted

away on
                                                         pleasing other
                                                                                                                   people's needs

so that
                                                         they could use me
                                                                                                                   as a net

when they
                                                         fall, & tell me
                                                                                                                   that I pushed

them, that
                                                         it's all my
                                                                                                                   fault.
1.2k · Apr 2013
Genesis
Julia Apr 2013
There is a ****,
a toxic bit of cancer,
in the garden of my soul

It wraps around
my dreams--
a python of the greenery

Raspy hisses that
the real world doesn't
work that way,


You have to hide your heart
your love, your all
you don't want that pain, do you?


No, I don't, I don't want
that at all, I say,
so I put down my *****

& I am Eve,
banished from the garden
but I do not feel a thing.
1.2k · Jul 2014
Komorebi
Julia Jul 2014
Below, blades are not
safe from snooping golden glares.
And at night, the moon.
Komorebi - Japanese word for when sunlight filters through the trees.
1.2k · Dec 2013
Reach
Julia Dec 2013
I                    car         ved        you   out o              f
              w             ood          and    out o                       f        
                 m               y       hand  s                     you              
gr      ew      back into          what
you were; a beautiful tree
who grew to reach
all of the
beautiful
stars. I should
have let you be.
1.1k · Jan 2013
Hospitals
Julia Jan 2013
hospital walls
floors shiny squares
upon which death
stains
white on white on white on white
beep the monitor
says blood cell counts
are all wrong,
they're all wrong too much
shine why does it all
shine so brightly

white on white
on white on
white
1.1k · Mar 2013
Attention
Julia Mar 2013
You were the yellow brick road
& you thought it was grand.

All I saw were the people,
all the people walking all over you.

But you said "Look how shiny
I am, and how everybody loves
me, I'm golden like the sun, like gold,
Julia, like your hair.
"

So I stopped trying to make you
feel their footsteps, and I left.

I walked on the dirt alongside of you,
so that you knew I was always be there.

I walked on the ****** dirt
that nobody gave a thought to.
& it seemed strangely happy that way.
1.1k · May 2014
Fond
Julia May 2014
Affection blooms within the cracks
where the heart has
split into fertile vulnerability
& is quenched by showers of kindness,
patiently & selflessly.

I've grown a love for you;
take it gently & easily
& plant it within your emptiness;
grow for me,
too.
1.1k · Nov 2013
Try me
Julia Nov 2013
I don't know how
the birds always stay singing
& the trees' leaves always
grow back,
greener than before,
while I get smaller inside with
each passing fall.

Everyone says that I am
a perfect fit,
but no one ever wears me.
1.1k · Jan 2014
Wavelengths
Julia Jan 2014
Meaning is entirely
subjective in a
world where
some
starve &
others *******
& someone,
somewhere,
breaks an iPhone.

How do I find unanimity
in the midst of spectrums,
ranges, & degrees in which
one
falls?

Who is like me?
Who is like you?
1.1k · May 2013
Opportunity
Julia May 2013
I wake up, it's noon,
I bounce around my mind to find
that it'd be better if you were here,
but I'm not alone anyway.
Endless options sing me songs
as I dance around an empty house,
seemingly infinite.
I hear Emily Dickinson's call of irony
"Dwell in Possibility"
from a girl who never left her home
Perhaps, I, now, should do it too--
dwell, but never pick a road,
as Robert Frost did.
Maybe I will stay idle
& watch my choices melt away
as I let time run free,
crawl into bed & watch the
sun slide across the blue
& call today "No Paths Were Traveled"
From spring break
1.0k · Sep 2013
Rorschach
Julia Sep 2013
They asked me,
"What do       you see?"
& in each on                                                                          e I saw you,
in a different sh                                    ade, a different  
distance away (calling                                                 to me? Reaching out?),  
     so I said I saw a                                          few ducks & an old  
   woman smok                                                                ing a cigarette  
& someth                            ing like a
scho                 ol bus,
but you are not those things.

I do not see
the diamonds in you.
1.0k · May 2014
What I Never Learned
Julia May 2014
How to:
focus on letters falling
out of your mouth like
a leaky spigot when
you have orchard eyes &
honeysuckle lashes that I
am positive would feel
like the down of the most
expensive pillow if
brushed against my
fingertips, & lilac breath
that dances around your
dripping syllables so gracefully
& dissipates like the sweetest
fog around me so that
I cannot see past you;
but why, why
on Earth would I
ever look away?
1.0k · Feb 2013
Inner Facial Conflict
Julia Feb 2013
What does it mean when
ear-charming, dressed up
collections of sound
what a nation wants to hear
does not match the honest
desperation, heart screams
it isn't that way
of pleading eyes?
1.0k · Jun 2014
Grasping
Julia Jun 2014
Resign to me, give in.

let me live in the shakes of your
body
let me revel
in the trembles of
pupils dilating
fingers grasping

make eye contact

shiver deeply beneath me
gasp

let me
in
1.0k · Mar 2013
Untold Dream
Julia Mar 2013
The air was still & silent with God

I burrowed my face into your shirt
surrounded you with my arms

you returned to me your own arms
and you said three common words
in a common sequence

& even in my dream heart,
I skyrocketed.
I echoed your three common words
& I smiled to myself

I smiled into your shirt
I even breathed you in
whispers of holy fog swirled around us

& I woke up,
but even then

I swore your scent lingered on me
Julia Dec 2012
Take away my treasures
sexless connections
no touch no guilt
no lies to our parents
when they ask where we've been.
I want to scream how could
you? But I know exactly
how you could
God you say

& who could argue with that?
who could argue
with God?
972 · Apr 2013
Moths
Julia Apr 2013
.   \  /
.I struggle  ||  to find  
.  the words, any  ||  expression for
     the invisible  ||  moths that  
.    flutter  ||  within
                       .      me & whis-  ||  per emotions                      
.                   that I can  ||  never echo            
    .
947 · May 2013
Traffic (10w)
Julia May 2013
Did you ever stop
to wonder where everyone
was going?
whoosh, whoosh, whoosh
943 · Nov 2013
Jonathan
Julia Nov 2013
The world will not stop
spinning for me,
not ever.
The birds will not be
mute for me,
not a chance.

The only thing that will
stop for me
is a heartbeat--
for I am too
small of an amazement
for the traffic,
the rain.

Though, I do not
expect the world to
cease in the moment of
my passing,
my mysterious disappearance.
(an empty body,
an empty shell).

Being a part of this
world means being
disposable.

Knowing you means that
I wish I could love you more,
perhaps differently.

Knowing you means that
I will finally know loss.

I will not cease to pause for you.
942 · May 2013
Hidden
Julia May 2013
It's easy to fall in love with
pretty pictures of people,
plastic & proportioned.
I hide the inside with the
flaunt of my feathers, in
courtship of approval
hiding, hoping, hiding,
hoping, get lost in the
rainbows of my facade.
935 · Dec 2012
Celibate
Julia Dec 2012
I want
to be
touched,
too.
926 · Aug 2013
Overheat (Nonet)
Julia Aug 2013
Three nights in a row, you came to me,
And it still was only Wednesday.
I tried to help you each time--
I sang songs of my heart,
But you demanded
An orchestra.
So I failed,
Of course.
"Thanks."
921 · Aug 2013
blueprint blue
Julia Aug 2013
post mirrors
everywhere so you
can be sure to see me out in


the open


in the closed   , at any angle
I am observed
      close in your eyes

     you see
I am   e       x   p     o  s    e  d
I have  no
secrets    my doors are

open &    what's to see but
complete & total emptiness?


sleep I'm falling it's
funny how we
fall into the mindless;
sleep ,    love .
we walk through doors    we run
on tracks ,    but we
     f
     a
     L
     l
        into the overwhelming pleasures
             of


vulnerability
904 · Jun 2013
Macro
Julia Jun 2013
If every grain of sand

mattered much to us,

in our hearts,

then we would

know more what it is

to be G-d,

who loves us all,

every grain.
903 · Jan 2013
Man-made
Julia Jan 2013
a victim of post-modern culture
where people feel that
whatever they think is
right or feels right,
is right
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