no matter what time of year it is,
my heart feels like a permanent december
as if it’s been frostbitten too many times
to remember how to feel

and i wish i could thaw my brain
from every memory of your voice,
because it still causes me to shiver
even if i haven’t heard it in over six months

i wonder if you’ve set up your tree
with strings of tiny white lights yet,
because oh man, you were my light
and it’s so dark without you
but i still hope that one day i’ll find
the end of this tunnel,
because it’s been forever since i knew
where exactly i was headed with
your hands guiding the way

i hope you are warm
and i hope you are happy,
because even though i’ve forgotten
what true happiness feels like,
just know that i’d still choose to drown
in my own puddle of misery
to make sure you never will