I never realized it would come down to this

Walking on eggshells like broken bottles
Praying my hand won’t clutch down on the throttle
Cause between the other side and I is only a mile
And all my second chances lie in the corner stacked in a pile

Often enough, I visit these ghosts and ask if I can stay awhile
And despite the fact that their intentions are as transparent as their torsos,
Sometimes I can’t see through their smile

When ‘scared shitless’ is an understatement
And the best part of this day was just surviving this day
Hope seems to find its way out when you can’t
But always leaves a note explaining why it couldn’t stay

So I’ll continue to let myself hate

You told me I could be so much better
And wouldn’t have to wait until night to embark
Well some shadows are darker than others
And you aren’t the one with eyes that glow in the dark

Because hiding my fangs is the closest thing to love I’ve ever met
And when you tell me you love me,
Regrets fire through my head like shotgun blasts carrying a threat
They say, “You don’t love me, you just don’t hate me yet”

And I don't want you to hate me

So yeah I still sleep with one eye open
But I’m also awake with one eye shut
And I’m living with one foot in the grave
But dying with one hand digging it’s way up

I’d be happy to die a martyr
Anything not to die alone
And I’d be happy to walk a little bit farther
If I knew I was almost home

But instead my heart keeps beating on in spite of itself like a broken wind-up doll waiting for the timer to run out
And finally catch a good night’s sleep

But a good night’s sleep
Is harder to find when you’re six feet deep
Just praying to god the bell actually rings
And someone above somewhere is actually listening

But they aren’t
At least I don’t believe they are

So I’ll hold my breath and hope
Hope god didn’t give the noose the strength to hold its iron grip around my throat
And wait for the air to find its way back into my lungs
In the meantime, studying the way the rope is strung

And I’m afraid to change
But I think I’m more afraid of staying the same

So I’ll move to the edge and etch a sketch
To remind myself it’s less about how far you can reach
And more about how far you’re willing to stretch.