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Oct 2014
When it's time to tell the boy, the name
Of my pet elephant in the bedroom,
I know to expect one of two reactions.
His eyes could widen, with interest,
At the prospect of having stumbled
Upon America, a new world.
They only want to plant their flag.
But more likely he will grow quiet,
Not knowing what to say to fix me,
I didn't realize I was broken.
More likely my virginity is not a
Responsibility he signed up for.

He won't leave me right away,
But for all intensive purposes
He's no longer with me.
This kind of distance is not
Geography related.
Now holding hands is a chore,
For it's no longer foreplay.
What's the point of taking me to bed
When there's that much pressure.
He doesn't want to give me the wrong idea.
He love's me, too much to
Take that away from me.

I don't want it taken from me
I want to share the best parts
Of ourselves.  
I want to come together,
In every meaning of the phrase.
I won't let the oppression of
God in our bed, but I want
To utter his name in vain.

I decided a long time ago
That I'd wait for love, but
I never thought that love
Would make me wait this long.
Never thought I'd avoid first kisses
With the fear they'd be last kisses.
I never thought I could scare boys away,
But my virginity is no longer an elephant.
It has become this dragon,
That no one is brave enough to slay.

And so I sit, in my ivory tower
Of ****** frustration, and wait on love.
I'm waiting for a third type of reaction.
Julia O'Neary
Written by
Julia O'Neary
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