A hamster walked in the pub yeah you remember that was that group that has a fucking collection but no fucking group anymore yeah that makes as much sense as me cheers Hello your truly more fucked up than I.
She was broken fragile and me I was a horny poetic bastard who was always trying lend some umm comfort cause I'm a strictly well I'm kidding hey if I can take advantage of someone and see some boobies in the process it's all good in the hood.
Gonz give me one shot and a beer .
Of booze right?
What she replied ?
The shot you mean like booze.
The woman looked at me as most do like I was a pervert they would never be near unless I was running bar within my mind on a poetry site yeah I know fucking freaky shit right?
Look Gonz I swear just for once stop being a perve and get my dam drink and just shut the fuck up okay ?
I was in shock not from being snapped at from a female that happens all the time I'm used to being yelled at by my teenage wife skeeter .
Yeah just cause she catches you watching porn she gets all bent of shape .
Well sure I guess it was a little reckless going down the interstate but duh don't fall asleep while I'm driving I mean a girl has her needs what can I say .
No the shock was more from getting my ding ding caught in my zipper hey you know how many dirty movies start out with a woman asking for a beer and a shot yeah I know I'm seriously fucked up but hey I'm fun.
So after some manly tears shed and a few stiff ones hahaha that just sounded wrong can you guess I write this shit while I'm drinking?
Anyways after this emotional hamster finally calmed a bit and put away her tazer I had get to just what was or wasn't eating at her .
I thought deeply how I should speak to this fragile little hamster and the most caring sense I asked.
So bitch what the fucks eating at your ass?
Yeah I know I'm a charming bastard aren't I?
Well Gonz honestly it's just the way guys are on this site I mean why cant they judge my writing for just that instead of act like total horn dogs and send me messages and get all weird?
This was a deep question asked to a shallow bastard like myself .
Well honestly heres the truth and I know it's going to be shocking so prepare yourself ready?
Umm I guess this hamster replied .
Guys are all horny bastards .
Really no shit Sherlock she replied .
Hey look sure some dudes can be nice and not act all weird but duh there probably gay .
I mean yeah writing sights should be about writing but duh who cares about art if you can get laid let me tell you the reason I became a writer.
I wasn't good at sports and I cant dance worth a fuck okay so if I make chicks think I'm deep them maybe I can get to see there boobies and boobies are fucking awesome okay .
Are fucking twelve this unnamed hamster asked me as she kicked back another shot of Jack Daniels .
Mentally maybe I replied but honestly what is age but a marker to say hey your to old to date this person or for people put you in prison for there judgment of your unconventional lifestyle .
You are one strange man Gonzo but at least your honest .
yeah I know its one of my biggest flaws other than that I'm fucking awesome well I mean besides the drinking pills and other pending cases all of which I'm not guilty well kinda.
We laughed we joked and when she wasn't looking I looked down her shirt yes it was a awesome night .
Well until she caught me and hit me with a beer bottle .
The night flew and so did are conversation .
You know gonz your really not half as much a pervert as people think you are .
Yeah I know don't tell anyone I have a bad reputation to uphold .
The hamster laughed and my goal was reached cause at the end of the evening I'm a joker and a pervert bartender but even I know how to treat people and I don't treat a writing site like hookup .com cause if I want to get laid I will do it the old fashioned way pay for it.
The hamster went on her way and once again I was left to work on my misspelled scribbling's and to look up freaky shit on the internet .
really what else a internet connection for?
Until next time stay crazy Kids .
Gonzo