i guess i’m no longer unbreakable

i think this to myself as i look down
at the cracks spreading slowly across my chest
like dangerous veins in the wrong place
as my heart beats out of time
and my breath catches on the words
that try to explain the reason
i cannot speak

i guess i’m no longer hidden

i say this to myself as i step out
from behind a wall of warmth
and winter creeps over my skin once again
just like last year, only this time
it’s actually cold

last winter, i welcomed the cold
as an excuse to disappear into the folds
of a jacket enclosing arms that shut out the snow
like bulletproof glass and denial

i guess i’m no longer bulletproof

because i’m freezing cold, shivering
even under autumn trees and blue skies
i stand, knowing that sooner or later
the snow will swallow me, taking me down
into a real winter this time
with only myself to blame, only myself
to keep me warm

i guess i’ll just have to get used to it