when i was little, all i knew about pain
was the sting on my knees after i fell
or the pain i felt after i
couldn't get the toy i wanted.

but growing up i now know what pain
is like. it can be deceiving
yet quite charming.

at first, pain comes in the sweetest times,
times where i felt infinite,
then the bitter of it call all at once
like a bolt of high electricity
running through my body.

it wasn't the usual pain i was feeling,
it was more than that.
it was the pain of looking myself in the mirror,
it was the pain of constant thoughts
of feeling hatred towards myself,
and it wasn't the pain that i could
fix in a day, more like years.

now i know what pain
really feels like.
and it isn't a beautiful kind of
pain that shouldnt be romanticized over,
or any pain that someone should ever be feeling.