The Hello Hall Of Fame / Gonzo Denied

The first inductees were named I sat there half hung over and a stiff drink in the wait to kick the party off once again. The names were called and they were the people who actually started this site not just came long afterwards to pick the bones clean of a already dead animal that ones for you like button zombies. They were all there Bathsheba ,Richard Shepard although his where is Waldo new persona had not allowed him to be seen yet again. Chris Smith they were all announced minus one name that shown through the dark like a true beacon of total debauchery the man the myth the walking train wreck yours truly Gonzo. After the announcement everyone made sure to give the lucky panel a good dose of the clap once I'm sure wasn't the first time some of are panel had encountered that. What?,They are all excellent writers and deserve the applause get your mind out of the gutter you loveable pervez you. I knew there must have been some mistake so I approached the strange little Nazi who runs the show here to ask had my name been forgotten by mistake. Hey there person I cant say your name or you will banish me to the hello closet with your co owner and life partner . Yes Gonzo can I help you ? The dark lord himself said in his usual why wont this bastard die and leave me alone little naughty voice of his. You mean in a sexual sense Hitler ? Adolf looked at me in his usal look of is this bastard insane or just fucking with me sense . Look you misspelling weirdo what the hell do you want? For murder and rape to become legal and Justin Biebers head on a silver platter . That is in such bad taste. Yeah I replied I know maybe just the murder thing cause that man rape is terrible have you ever seen deliverance? Made me want to never go camping again I mean honestly why couldn't it have Mark Walberg being rode like a piggy mmm twisted . Gonzo what the hell is wrong with you !? Honestly Adolf to much to explain in this write I believe it all started when my mother sold me for crack yeah she only got like four rocks duh I'm at least worth ten what a bitch love ya mom. I swear you drunken perverted halfwit if you don't just get to the point I'm going to shoot you myself you insane bastard . I was shocked by these words never had anyone said such nice things about me with there outside voice once was strange being we were inside at the holiday Inn convention center deep in the mental wasteland called Ohio . Yeah I know why Ohio? Well cause Hello has no money that's why we beg more than those cheap hookers at PBS. But enough with the foreplay children. Adolf I will for once in my semi sober existence speak clearly . Why the fuck am I not a part of the motherfucking hall of fame being I was here from day fucking one before half the people who think there hot shit ever fucking were you fucking cyber Nazi! Was that clear enough ? I must have hit a chord for the mighty cyber warlord shot me a look of pure rage that made me wish I had brought my trusty rape whistle. Sure I know that no one will respond I just like blowing it the whistle that is cause Gonzo don't swing that way yeah sure there was that one summer in college and I know what your thinking. Gonzo went to college? What it could happen hell were did you think I got my black belt in drinking? Look you demented fucker you may have had a audience of perverts and teenage girls and demented old ladies who raise coyotes for there dominatrix job fooled into liking your work but I will never ever ever Put you into the Hello Hall Of Fame ever ever he continued on for awhile beating his little fist on the podium he was such a loveable little Nazi kind of a mix of Elton John and Martha Stewart. So maybe next year ? No dumbass . So what your saying is maybe after I'm dead and the world has gone into a state of thank the fucking Lord we don't have to read this long winded bastards work anymore then maybe? Don't you understand the word no? Well being I hear it all the time from my teenage wife you think I would but hey I've learned like after some very manly crying and begging like a dog eventually she caves in or if I pay her like her other clients . I'm kidding I'm a writer I have no money. It was clear this egg wasn't going to crack or go sunny side up for me now maybe get a little scrambled in-between as you sit there reading wondering what the fuck is wrong with this guy writing this story on a poetry website. It's cause I'm black isn't it Adolf ? Do you own a mirror Gonzo? Duh what do you think a snort my lines off of dumbass besides my heart is more black than that of any twisted freak ego maniac who enjoys a good drink and some even better hookers . Look Gonzo I'm tired and I got to get out of here cause if we don't clear out we have to pay a late fee besides there's a star track convention waiting and you know how those nerds get when they when you put off them meeting there messiah William Shattner . True those strange little hamsters were worse than rednecks at a monster truck show with no beer in sight. I had to for once admit defeat Adolf held the keys and much like a hot barely legal chick The Hello Hall Of Fame wasn't in my cards . Yeah rules and stupid laws can be such a cock block. I was broken so I did what any grown man in the same situation would do went to the bar and pouted in a corner and flipped all my old friends off then realized that the bar was filled with a bunch of Sci Fi nerds who kept wondering who the fuck is that weird dude crying in his beer flipping everyone off. And after one to many insults the nerds decided to go all Chuck Norris on my ass I'm kidding they threatened to call there parents and have them give me a good scolding and being it was the first time Mom and Dad got them out of the basement this year I knew there would be hell to pay. I looked deep into my darkened soul and had to think fast . So I did what any good con man and half ass writer would do. Told them I was Gene Roddenberry's son and signed autographs and took there free drinks and had a good screw with a green chick . And who said I didn't believe in happy endings . Live long and stay crazy hamsters . Gonzo

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john-patrick-robbins-aka-gonzo

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