Dear Adam,
Guess what?
All I have of you is an iPod.
It's filled with your songs
It's filled with your thoughts.
I was in your room
i peered insid a box
I was hoping to find something
but you didn't keep much
Not your bong
or your pipe
or your old secrets
I don't understand maybe we wanted to keep it.
I see nothing of you
this is not your room
you didn't live here, I can't tell
It smells like you and your picture is all over
Your blue painted walls
the room is getting older,
There was a bag of razor blades but I don't know what they're form.
I felt kind o awkward in there sitting with your mom
maybe i wanted to kiss you
before you left
or tell you you were cute
you knew nothing of my heart
and I knew so much from yours
Im torn.
Being in this room makes me squirm and feel all wrong
you left us in the middle
of a new found fairy tale.
You were no prince and I was no princess
but I didn't want that all quite yet.
I wanted you to know, all the things I wrote ini my heart
but you being here to hold my hand and ill say thats a start.
Sometimes I think you'll come around
you'll say you didn't go
you'll say you panicked and got lost
but really it was a joke.
I know its not true
I know I'll never see you
They found your body
They found your car
you were still hot
because you went so far.
now I'm here with your ashes in my bag,
feeling absolutely mad
knowing that I didn't help,
that you cried for me and I couldn't do
what i needed to.
You are gone and i am here,
Ill spead you out here and there.
your dust will flow for a thousand miles
ill float you in the sea
ill flow you in my favorite rose bush
and under your planted tree.
It's funny how it ends so fast,
how people can be gone.
How drugs can make your mind possessed by heartless hopeless thoughts.
It's wired how I can't hold you,
or tell you how I feel.
I wish i could have yelled at you enough for you to stay here...