my eyes burn
not only because they beg for sleep
but from the tears shed
too many have fallen
not just today
but in my (short) lifetime

my mind is all over the place
i can't fathom my thoughts very well
i don't know what i want or how i feel
i do know i feel alone
although i am not

i honestly love him
and know he's good to me
good for me

you are trouble
yet why do you continue to walk yourself into my brain?
yet why do i reach out to you?
yet why do you respond to my distress calls?

a few months ago
i would take back what we had in a heartbeat

now things are complicated

i don't know if i can trust you
do you only want me now that i'm with someone else?
would you still want me once you regained me?

yet they get even more complex

yes i may still love you
but i am in love with him as well
he's everything i thought he would be and more
but i'm not so sure the "and more" is positive

he is far mor ****** than i ever imagined
he is far more unstable than I could ever guess

i'm unstable
he's unstable
you're unstable

but you are by far the most stable out of us three
and i was the most stable with you
you were my stability
and when you left you took it with you

i cry a lot
i cry when i'm with him
not because he makes me upset or angry or unhappy
but because i am afraid
afraid to hurt him
and cause more unstableness in him
or get hurt
and lose more stability
or that I can't help him
that is my greatest fear

so why did i message you?
and why did you respond?
why am i feeling conflicted when i am in no dilemma what-so-ever?

is it possible to fall in love with someone while still in love with a different someone?

because i believe i have

and i believe i am going insane
possibly from an overdose
an overdose on love

                           -please send help

a.a.