When I start to forgive you,
This is what I will think about.
I won't think of your laugh,
Our talks, or our jokes.
I won't think of how
you pretended to defend me,
Or how much I loved you.
I will not remember the theme parks,
The movies, or the gifts.
I won't think about our long road trips,
I won't think about all the things you taught me,
All the gentle words you hissed like a snake.
I will not think of how you used to be Father.
I will think, instead of how much you hurt me.
Of the bruises you left on me,
On us, the one's you turned against
And left behind.
I will remember how you threw me to the wolves.
I will think about your hands on me,
In the pretense of play,
And of how sick they made me.
I will think of all that you ruined,
Of how happy I was when you died,
When it was finally over.
You may haunt me all my life,
But I never want to forget how much
I hate you.
I never want to give your spirit
A single moment's peace.
You've been my nightmare long enough,
It's time that I was yours.