Mama,
Today I'm heartbroken beyond belief, it's the day that you decided to leave. Yes, I know that you 'left' long ago, but today's the day your body let go. The pain I feel makes me not breathe, the relief makes me want to scream. I just feel so terrible, so twisted in two, I'm really not knowing what to do. I really shouldn't feel immense  relief while the tears are flowing down my cheeks. Your mind wasn't here for, oh, so long, but the hope you'd know me kept me strong. Now you're gone, for real this time, and all I want to is cry. The weight of you not knowing me has lifted and I am now free. You're free of not knowing who you see especially when I wish it was me. Do you now remember the Christmas songs? You had forgotten for so long. The hymns you loved, we played for you. We just didn't know what to do. I wish you would've shown some recognition, but I know that's rare with your condition. Mama, why'd you have to die without seeing ME and remembering how it used to be. Alzheimer's took your intelligence and quick wit and the love you had for us with it. No more days of having fun, almost like when  clouds take the sun. You lived in a fog and couldn't quite grasp who we were, you were stuck in the past. I feel such guilt for the relief in my heart and the grief I feel is tearing me apart. I'm so confused with my conflicting emotions, but I hope you know of my devotion. I was staying by you for as long as it took, for God to finally stop and look. For Him to show up and take pity on you and decide to end what we've all gone through. I told you before you're my mama, mother, mommy, friend, and now you know I stuck by to the bittersweet end. I will love you forever my beautiful mama.