I want to hold you in my arms but I can't.
though I can feel the ache in my teres' as I hold them out,
hoping you'll change your mind and bury yourself in them.
hoping you'll find comfort with your face in my neck again,
kissing me relentlessly and telling me you love me,
telling me you love me from your soul to mine.
but we laugh and cover it up,
cover up the fears that we may be more than what we would prefer,
that there's more beneath our hearts,
more that wants to reach out and touch the cold, graveyards in us.
each headstone an emotion we left behind with the memories in the caskets below.
we want to take shovels and cover them in 6 feet of dirt.
we want to tear our nails trying to open each casket and say the headstones' names to each of them.
and we want to caress and heal each individual wound and scar the other carries,
we want to kiss them and watch them fold into new skin.
we want the power to protect each sunrise and sunset the other may behold some day.
we want to reach into the ocean of the others presence and pull up all the treasures below.
we want to show the other the beauty of their depths,
the trenches with new discoveries of the corals we may hold deep down
and the tropical beaches where our shells shine.
we want to uncover each other from each other.

but truly,
I just want your arms with mine, in that romantic way you said we had to give up.
I want the heart you have.
I wish I was good enough for that heart,
I wonder what I'm missing.
I will always wonder if I'm good enough.
why you can't make that decision?
I know it's from her,
but why can't I surpass that?
what do I lack?
which shell isn't bright enough?
which scar is too ugly?
which wound hurts too much?
which casket is too *****?
which headstone is too large?
is my graveyard too vast?
which cavern is too deep?
which trench is drowning you?
which sunrise isn't beautiful enough?
which sunset is too dark?
which star isn't in your constellation?
is my sun too hot?
is the moon too low?
which galaxy is too far?

what could I have done?
can I?
am I good enough to fix anything for you?