If you want to **** yourself
There's lots of ways to go
You can do it really quick
Or you can do it slow

If you want to hang yourself
The knot will hold, you hope
The pressure is all on the knot
You best have a strong rope

You can always shoot yourself
Cut your wrists, but I confess
These ways aren't too pleasant
And they leave a nasty mess

Pills are not the best way
Too much time to save your life
The best way that I've ever found
Is to get yourself a wife

Suicide through marriage
I think that's the way to die
I mean, you're gonna pass on anyway
No matter how you try

So, suicide through marriage
Takes some time, but in the end
You'll end up dying anyway
And live your life with your best friend