The place I'm staying in is my body
She makes my decisions
She rolls my eyes
Every dress I wear is hers
Having a body means nothing is really mine on the inside
Hardly out of my mother yet and my cries don't belong to me
My credit card is food to make my body stay still
But that puts me in debt
And she wants to run because she needs me to pay rent
My body has issues with me that I don't understand
What's the problem if I don't want to move? I think. If I want to smoke why can't I? If I want to thrash around my room and break her.
Why can't I?
Why does she love so easily?
Why does she want to be alive so badly?
The bodies around me own their tenants
Their tenants are owned by other bodies
Our bodies are like children who cry when hungry
There are some things that need to be articulated
There are no more lives left to live and my body is grasping on to me like a lifeline
At the same time she's trying to stop me from drowning
She needs me to feel immortal
Even though I already am