Dec 2019
I am almost ready to give up for good
Accept I will never be understood
Obviously there are not words to explain
I'm so ****** up inside my brain
And if I could describe the problem you don't care
You made it evident you loathe the poetry I share
I read them to reach to you as a means to express
The emotions I have no other way to confess
It makes not a difference which words I use
The last thing you want is to walk in my shoes
I am tired of bothering your shoulders with the weight
Of issues and making you participate
I am done forcing you to let me in
This is the last poem I'll read to you and it's to inform you win
You don't want to know my love or who I truly am
No amount of pleading makes you give a ****
If you were in the gallery of reasons behind
Irrational behavior you'd look and find
But you do not wish to know me or me to know you
I beg you to stop pretending you want to
Because watching you willingly choose to spend
Time you can apart from me makes me want to end
Not understanding why I want to be with someone
Constantly letting me know how worthless I've become
I am not saying you're wrong
I'm just letting you know
If nothing changes
I will have to go
I will still write poems
But alone I will deal
NEVER AGAIN will you have the burden of listening to how I feel
Accept I will never be understood
Obviously there are not words to explain
I'm so ****** up inside my brain
And if I could describe the problem you don't care
You made it evident you loathe the poetry I share
I read them to reach to you as a means to express
The emotions I have no other way to confess
It makes not a difference which words I use
The last thing you want is to walk in my shoes
I am tired of bothering your shoulders with the weight
Of issues and making you participate
I am done forcing you to let me in
This is the last poem I'll read to you and it's to inform you win
You don't want to know my love or who I truly am
No amount of pleading makes you give a ****
If you were in the gallery of reasons behind
Irrational behavior you'd look and find
But you do not wish to know me or me to know you
I beg you to stop pretending you want to
Because watching you willingly choose to spend
Time you can apart from me makes me want to end
Not understanding why I want to be with someone
Constantly letting me know how worthless I've become
I am not saying you're wrong
I'm just letting you know
If nothing changes
I will have to go
I will still write poems
But alone I will deal
NEVER AGAIN will you have the burden of listening to how I feel
I wrote this at a particularly low point in my relationship with paul. We were fighting all the time, life was especially difficult, and I was sorting through a fuckload of emotional baggage. I treated him unfairly and in return he bottled up his resentment and fear inside. This was written on the back of my notebook because I ran out of paper, at my best friend's house, Outside, in the wind, while I was bawling my eyes out. This resulted in a huge explosive fight and he called my parents without telling me and my dad showed up to take me home in the middle of the night, It was so awful and embarrassing. But a great poem came out of it!
