There was a version of me
That wanted this
That wanted what I now have
Doing all the “functional” things
Looking alive
But she never could have anticipated this
I hate it
I don’t want it

ANY OF IT!!!

Take all this **** away from me
Just let me live
I know I’m betraying her
I’m betraying her dreams
I don’t want to give up on her
But she was misguided and confused
And now I’m suffering for it
I don’t want this
I don’t want this life
I don’t
I don’t
I don’t

TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME!!!

My heart screams
As the first tears in ages
Well up in my eyes
But they won’t fall
Because I’m not that sad
There’s too much serotonin in me
And dopamine
And norepinephrine
Because I’m ******* drugged
And I want to WEEP
But... I... I can’t...
I’m just unsteady
Unstable
I’m not okay
I’m not okay

I AM NOT OKAY