As summer fades Fall has begun Our once bright days Now setting Sun Uncertain what the future holds Just know that I am getting old For youth one does not get to keep Through window blinds of life I peek A path that's been filled with mistakes I've walked alone but chose to take My baggage with me where I went Much money earned; much money spent An epic track that seemed to reach Earth's corners as I search and seek For happiness with love and joy These things I lost when just a boy Were taken; someone stole from me No safe to crack; there was no key Defenses were not set in place A child who had yet to face Like Adam when bereft of sin Attack that had struck from within Where body fully left in tact A shattered mind you won't get back And over shoulders look for pieces Equaled grains of sand on beaches Traveled much, went far and wide Blind to the circles spun inside If challenges aren't met and faced One can't expect to win a race In life, with loss comes also gain For cost brings lessons for our brain All adding up to wisdom learned So as time goes we can discern This is the trade for youth with age In our "life book" we write a page Our bodies start becoming meek Does not mean outlook that is bleak As faculties get old and fail Some ways our vessel is a jail The footsteps made are less and less But minds expand an endless breadth A question though of great concern is, What if someone never learns? They pay the price; accept the cost But in return there's only loss There's no trade off or benefit An idiot who is a twit You'd almost feel some sympathy For one pathetic and who's weak Unless of course you realize The suit he wears; tried on for size No twisted arms; he was not fooled All info given; went to school Just sat and stared off into space So much potential he would waste Break-even point, where are you at? Is it still forward or way back There comes a point, true with all things Sometimes it hurts the heart and stings We realize the end has come There's nothing more that can be done All effort from here on, a waste The money spent is better saved Don't think of it as giving up More simply that one's time is up Life is a journey that's for sure But may be one that is endured Instead of riding off in glory Constantly are saying "sorry" Trying to right each mistake There is no life; an endless chase A dog who tries to catch his tail A nonstop game of "try-and-fail" You ask "Why should I even try?" Pathetic tears to say 'goodbye' I have one choice that I can make That will erase all my mistakes If I'm not here I can't ***** up Forget "half-empty", there's no cup The disappointment and the shame No longer need to play that game Sure people might feel bad at first But don't forget; somehow subvert In closing I can finally be What all expected me to be A hero or a champ who "wins" Not loser who just fails and sins So tears don't cry (and you may not) I'd say that I had fought the fought But you know that is one more lie Don't need to add; just say 'goodbye'
Written: September 2019
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I wrote this poem as a sentiment or feeling but I am not actually contemplating suicide. I would never actually do that. I don't want to harm myself but sometimes the sadness, desperation, and despondency bring me to a place where it runs in my my mind not as an actual act but more of a thought of sympathy. So, I am in no way making light of suicide or trying to be coy. This was written from an honest place inside but I am not in a dark place or thinking of hurting myself in anyway. (Just to be very clear in case anyone might think that or be concerned). This piece is more of a perspective piece (and an honest one) but not one I share in any true or meaningful way at this time. =)