How do I heal
without the memories splitting my skull,
breaking free from the prison I put them in
to protect myself from me.
How do I find any peace of mind
if I have been at war with myself for ages
when I don’t even know where I put
my white flag,
it might be under the remains of my soul,
burned black in the battle
that left me looking for my humanity.
How do I look forward
if my neck is permanently back,
looking for answers in a world that doesn’t give any
toes pointed toward sunshine
head towards pain
and there is nothing in my brain
saying, stay safe
there is nothing telling me how to stay sane.
These days I ask myself how I can heal,
without ripping myself apart again
remembering what got me here
and I am left to pick up each piece
of who I am
and tear it apart
hoping that one day I’ll learn how to
put myself back together again