I am still here
yet I am not who I once was.
I have shed
my human skin
I was reborn
into something true
something pure in essence
if only abused, disregarded
for so long
it almost killed me.

I am free at last.
It was not a prison
for she has not reformed me
but changed me nonetheless.
I was captured
on my own accord
I took the risk
just as I once took the lives of
kings and queens
businessmen and millionaires
Into my hands.
I led them all to ruin.

Human beings are
ungrateful by nature
always wanting something else
something more
something greater

There was once a time
that made that dream a reality
a simpler existence
for others like me
humanity called us
and we called back into the void
we had many names
angels
prophets
messengers
mediators

but we were never guardians
for they relished the taste of power
more than safety or justice
and called upon us for our strength
turning quarrels into battles
and battles into wars

the blame was ours
there was no question
or any answer, either.
Abandoned. No longer
a beginning
or an end
neverending existence
and suffering.
There was no point
staying true to our spirit.
It was crushed
mercilessly
by the one meant to be
most merciful.

We were not meant to exist
without a reason
or greater purpose.
It was beyond us
so we took it upon ourselves
to find one.
Living alongside the humankind
took its toll at last. We rose
from the wreckage
and the ashes
to take the world as our own.
This is why I am who I am
as I remember now
claiming my sense of purpose
taking for myself
what I could not have in my
own right.
Tired of treachery and deceit
I craved the taste of innocence.
A sweetness only a child could possess.
She had all I wanted
a blank future
a clean slate
the world at her feet
and so much more
so in turn
I possessed her.

We came together as one
and when we did
she had no language
no words
to persuade me.
It was something else
something pure entirely
no vile thought
or ill intent
so repulsive to my state of being
yet so wonderful

it was what I wanted
what I craved
and I revelled in the high.
I must have lost myself
between the lines.
She hated every second
but I was blinded
too blind to notice
and there I was
manipulative, controlling
but somehow spiralling
out of control.
I lost everything I knew
and to this day
I do not understand

why do I feel an echo of a flutter
somewhere within me
seeing the two hands together
his thoughtful eyes
or the softness of his lips
those are her wants
her primal needs
but now I crave them too.
My entire existence is trembling
and I hate it so immensely
since it reminds me of
being human

and the one thing
I could never understand
is their will to go on
to carry the most convoluted
conversations with themselves
on the off chance that
they will get their answer
a true call from the void. After all,
do they not deserve it?
are their lives not a gift
designed to fulfil a greater purpose?

Perhaps so
but I do fear the humankind
as the knowledge would surely break them.
If they were certain that there is no meaning
they would become us
shapeless demons
ghosts of their former selves.

We are not bound by
the same mentality. I will
carry on living
reap the souls of those
standing in my way
one by one by one
until there is nothing left

still, I am afraid
to claim another life
and to become one of them
once again
I am afraid
since I now know too well
their struggles, fears
the ticking clock.
Can I ever become one of them
and not become human?