I am still here yet I am not who I once was. I have shed my human skin I was reborn into something true something pure in essence if only abused, disregarded for so long it almost killed me.
I am free at last. It was not a prison for she has not reformed me but changed me nonetheless. I was captured on my own accord I took the risk just as I once took the lives of kings and queens businessmen and millionaires Into my hands. I led them all to ruin.
Human beings are ungrateful by nature always wanting something else something more something greater
There was once a time that made that dream a reality a simpler existence for others like me humanity called us and we called back into the void we had many names angels prophets messengers mediators
but we were never guardians for they relished the taste of power more than safety or justice and called upon us for our strength turning quarrels into battles and battles into wars
the blame was ours there was no question or any answer, either. Abandoned. No longer a beginning or an end neverending existence and suffering. There was no point staying true to our spirit. It was crushed mercilessly by the one meant to be most merciful.
We were not meant to exist without a reason or greater purpose. It was beyond us so we took it upon ourselves to find one. Living alongside the humankind took its toll at last. We rose from the wreckage and the ashes to take the world as our own. This is why I am who I am as I remember now claiming my sense of purpose taking for myself what I could not have in my own right. Tired of treachery and deceit I craved the taste of innocence. A sweetness only a child could possess. She had all I wanted a blank future a clean slate the world at her feet and so much more so in turn I possessed her.
We came together as one and when we did she had no language no words to persuade me. It was something else something pure entirely no vile thought or ill intent so repulsive to my state of being yet so wonderful
it was what I wanted what I craved and I revelled in the high. I must have lost myself between the lines. She hated every second but I was blinded too blind to notice and there I was manipulative, controlling but somehow spiralling out of control. I lost everything I knew and to this day I do not understand
why do I feel an echo of a flutter somewhere within me seeing the two hands together his thoughtful eyes or the softness of his lips those are her wants her primal needs but now I crave them too. My entire existence is trembling and I hate it so immensely since it reminds me of being human
and the one thing I could never understand is their will to go on to carry the most convoluted conversations with themselves on the off chance that they will get their answer a true call from the void. After all, do they not deserve it? are their lives not a gift designed to fulfil a greater purpose?
Perhaps so but I do fear the humankind as the knowledge would surely break them. If they were certain that there is no meaning they would become us shapeless demons ghosts of their former selves.
We are not bound by the same mentality. I will carry on living reap the souls of those standing in my way one by one by one until there is nothing left
still, I am afraid to claim another life and to become one of them once again I am afraid since I now know too well their struggles, fears the ticking clock. Can I ever become one of them and not become human?
The twin poem to the hours and the second monologue I wrote for my poetry class.