When I drink coffee
I get enough energy
to think about something other than sleep,
loneliness creeps out of its hiding place
and into the light
crushing hope with every move it makes
my fingers shudder as I begin
to want to die
a hollowness engulfs my chest
and I feel more alone
than I ever did
when I couldn’t keep my eyes open
wide enough to see
just how sad I truly was
and I tell myself
that I will never do this to myself again
but ultimately I do
when the tiredness makes my bones ache
and rattle against my skin
I’ll take a sip
that leads me into a different kind
of oblivion