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Jan 2019
The biggest fear in life is when you see the whites of your eyes in the mirror,
And you thought the vision of your life would be a little clearer.
When your life is broken into pieces and your trying to find Jesus,
Your vision of morality increases, but your will power decreases.

Bipolar and addicted, mind is conflicted, afflicted, and your breath constricted,
Its hard to feel alive, when every day feels like a ten-thousand-foot sky dive to your death.
Day by day we try to survive, minds on overdrive, through each other’s experiences we strive,
To live, we try to give, and the next day we grapple with the life we are trying to unlive.

Don’t judge me fool, you know nothing about this demented dual,
A twisted and demented world a little like high school,
The place where everyone thought they knew you,
Instagram famous, thousands of followers people thought you were  cool.
But deep down you knew who was the tool!
There is some of us who live in the darkness were drowning in a black pool.
This **** isn’t my fault that my brain is misguided by a genetically controlled molecule.

Who are you to talk about me and my life,
Im 7 years in about to call this girl my wife,
It took me 3 close encounters with a blade of a knife,
To get past the strife of my past and realize I have the right to life.

I have to say im sorry, I caused a lot of pain,
Never put a needle in my vein, or did *******, but I lived my life in the fast lane,
Drank my life away, a one way ticket to death on the devils freight train,
Im proud to say today that I chose to abstain,
From the molecule that dissolved my brain and made me inhumane,
That alcohol is a solvent it dissolves the membrane,
Turned my life into a hurricane, give me the cellophane,
Choke me out and stop the oxygen to my brain.

For a longtime I wasn’t happy with myself,
My mistake is I was never true to myself.

I learned the value of wealth,
It wasn’t by increasing the quantity of items on my bookshelf,
It was as simple as learning that #1 was myself.

They say love is selfless, That’s true if you want a mess,
Love yourself first and life will take care of the rest.
I write to share my experience strength and hope.
In recovery from bipolar mental health and suicide.
In recovery from addiction
Written by
Z  28/M/Michigan
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