My family hates me & I have no friends
I be myself, it's not good enough
Reflect, make changes, it's not good enough
Call my bluff
Ask me your fluff questions
Tell me I'm wrong
Pointing out qualities that are good

I'll counter with the facts of my life
Show you the lack of love, I have for myself
How I have dealt with guilt
Attempting to outrun shame
Embarrassed by my thoughts
Tootie ought to sit down for an hour session
My ‘how to ****-up your life lessons’

I count my blessings
They never amount to happiness
I'm in a place where joy is fleeting
While your all celebrating with festive cheer
I'll be over here, in my familiar sunken place
Once a pillar of strength, on the outside
Is a mere shell, mimicking the motions of perceived normality

To those that think I am a friend or consider me family
There's still time for me to prove you wrong
It will dawn upon you & you'll question…
What was I ever drawn to?
You'll cast away your heavy dark shadow
While I wrap myself it's embrace
Lonely is my mind, heart & soul
With no family or friends to fill that hole
Behold, my inner honest thoughts

By Axton Rupp