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Axton Rupp Jan 31
Love, please find me, I am waiting with open arms
The butterflies in my belly are ready to flutter
No eyes for another, deep breath... reach for the hand of my lover
Delicate, slender, fingers, wrapped around mine
Signifies our feelings are intertwined
Excuse my daydream, it abuses my heart
Off gallivanting in my imagination for a lark
Be at the start of something beautiful

Love, please find me, I am waiting with bated breath
Wishing to be adept at the depths of love  
Savor a shared kiss, to later reminisce on the flavour of your lips
To twist & turn, to learn & grow, to love & never let go
Alas, I have been shunned, left out in the cold, where I will wither, growing old
Love deems me no sight to behold
Scolded by your intensity, my propensity is to scamper from your light
There is no warmth in darkness but it is all I have known

By Axton Rupp
Axton Rupp Jan 22
I reside in my feelings
Classify myself as soft
Tender is my ego from my tinder experience
On bumble I was stung, only to be left stumbling
No fresh coffee wants to meet a day old bagel

I create fables with my imagination
The open wound on my sleeve festers
Causing thoughts to manifest
They get the best of me, so y'all get the worst
My lifelong curse

I could listen to every song about love
Never finding a verse to relate to
It's late as I write this too, or early based on perspective
I need a Detective, to locate my innocence
Where in then, I might find the man I am supposed to be

Sought out affection from the wrong places
Chasing those that fear being caught
Weary from the pursuit, I become a mute
Ask me to speak up but the point is moot
Run along, practice your shoot dance

Romance, that induces a trance, is an intoxicating aroma
Pity that my presence is nauseating
There is no debating, I know my history
I am no mystery, just misguided by my own hand
I write because I am left with reading between the lines

I'll stand the test of time
Sands through the hourglass
This is the daze that is my life

By Axton Rupp
Axton Rupp Dec 2018
My family hates me & I have no friends
I be myself, it's not good enough
Reflect, make changes, it's not good enough
Call my bluff
Ask me your fluff questions
Tell me I'm wrong
Pointing out qualities that are good

I'll counter with the facts of my life
Show you the lack of love, I have for myself
How I have dealt with guilt
Attempting to outrun shame
Embarrassed by my thoughts
Tootie ought to sit down for an hour session
My ‘how to ****-up your life lessons’

I count my blessings
They never amount to happiness
I'm in a place where joy is fleeting
While your all celebrating with festive cheer
I'll be over here, in my familiar sunken place
Once a pillar of strength, on the outside
Is a mere shell, mimicking the motions of perceived normality

To those that think I am a friend or consider me family
There's still time for me to prove you wrong
It will dawn upon you & you'll question…
What was I ever drawn to?
You'll cast away your heavy dark shadow
While I wrap myself it's embrace
Lonely is my mind, heart & soul
With no family or friends to fill that hole
Behold, my inner honest thoughts

By Axton Rupp
Axton Rupp Dec 2018
Searching for balance
Equality within one's self
Battles rage between
And sinister behaviors

Are they merely excuses
For my greed?
For my self-indulgence?
For security?
For relationships both friendly & otherwise?

I know I'm doing wrong to live right
Everybody has a hustle
Crooked or straight
On this life's wander
I've encountered forks
Try to take the righteous
Drawn to the lure of the shadows

Eventually, make my own path
In the grey, diagonal
Until I'm presented with the next opportunity
Never knowing
When it'll  spring upon me

Believe me or not
I'm a good person
Even if I'm unsure at moments myself
**** the cards I was dealt
I'm a chess player
Despite my means  

I do my dirt all by my lonely
Maintain being humble & true
With unwavering loyalty
To those that reciprocate

By Axton Rupp
Axton Rupp Dec 2018
A lifelong loner, with the dawn of each day, keeps one promise, more sadness & agony
Father abandoned me, mother too high to visit me, leaves me with an abuser, to show me their ways
To this day, I think of you & all you have taught me
How to live in fear, not being myself, become a character to please those that may fear me

People skills non-existent, however, I stayed resilient, through the insults & feeling unworthy
Surely, someone will see a light in me, or is it too dim? Oh, that's right, you view me as glib
Back in my place, with a lid put on it
Did I do something to offend? Merely being born in this world of sin, forgive me where the gun?

That's what I should have done, many moons ago, end it all before I knew better
Since I know better, when will I become better? Never is the answer
I am a cancer, that has stricken two families
Cut me out, lump removed, it behooves you, but you knew this

Then there are the "friendships" I attempted to wedge myself in  
Unknowing of how to be a friend, I'd watch, learn, mimic & pretend
Now I'll surely fit in?
Nah loser, another sad talespin, leaves me Baloo

I continue to watch & learn, this time from afar
With the bar set to a new low, by my own hand, I stand in a shadow, from the lights sight
Darkness is my home, the ground is my throne
I sit in a mess of my own making, quaking, with a handout

I am a man down & many days out
Yet, no one knows the depths of my pain
All the snickers, pushed me towards the snickers, elevating the bar
Inward scars become visible on the outside, stretched across my skin

Another attempt at a "normal" life in an abnormal society
Taking all the lessons learned to craft a new me
Authentically, unapologetically, me
Wishing you well, wayward son of no one

By Axton Rupp
Axton Rupp Dec 2018
Where am I going?
I want to see it all
The four corners
The heart of the motherland

What is missing?
The beat to my heart
A kindred light
Hand in hand

Will, I ever witness a periwinkle sky?
Near the border of Shanghai
Certify our pleasure
Flying high together

By Axton Rupp
Axton Rupp Dec 2018
How vein & narcissistic can I be?
Always sad & lonely yet I think women could be interested in me?
This is left field, not a representation of reality
Is my somber attitude a formality?
Hidden from public view behind my frowning veil?

Obese, with odd thoughts
Striving to be normal or recognized as such
Drunk on my own pity & arrogance, I'm quite the lush
Complex? No... merely a mutt, that's the **** of life's jokes
Mush, mush, I'm a foolish hound

In here, there is not a sound
Hollow as an empty gym with a bouncing rebound
This is me announcing to the world
I'm full of myself, how absurd
I perturb yours truly

A running tab of my thoughts
Scattered among my bruised & battered memories
Confused is who I'll always be
No matter, until I find my next heartache
Or perhaps a sullen place?  

By Axton Rupp
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