Today is the happiest I have ever been
In my entire life
And yet,
I feel sad.
I still have this darkness inside of me,
And I still feel the need to cry
Every time I’m alone.

Why

Why can’t I just be happy
Why do I still have to feel so empty?
I don’t understand
There is nothing more I could need
My life is filled with love and joy
And I am on a righteous path
surrounded by friends
And loved more than ever before
By a boy

This boy
Is all I could have asked for
And more.
I don’t believe in soul mates
But I believe that every time I look at him
I smile
And I feel safe
And happy
And content.

So
Why

Why when I lie in bed at night
Do tears roll down my face.

Why

When I stand in the shower
I scratch at my skin.

Why

When I look in the mirror
I hate what I see.

Today I realized
That this darkness that is inside
Will stay
Forever
And today
I must learn how to live
Side by side
My happy and my sad
My smile and my tears
My love and my hate
Because that’s what makes us human
And that’s what makes us
Alive.