dear you,

how are you? i hope things are doing great for you now. these past few weeks have been a mess i thought i could handle on my own.

i’m doing okay. i’m going out with my friends, been talking more often with my family — like you said i should, and i’m learning about myself more and more each day.

i’ve been trying to move on from you, you know? it’s really hard. probably because everything was still fresh. so far, everyday, i think about you, what you did, what we did, how it started and how it ended.

i’ve been asking myself lately, could i have saved what we had left? was i just an escape? i have so many questions now that you’re gone and i have no means to talk to you.

i’m confused, really. i still want you but every time i remember the good times we had, i remember the pain too. don’t worry though, i have already forgiven you. it’s just a matter of time before i finally forgive myself — for blaming myself with what had happened.

i’ve been watching a lot of shows lately. i avoid the sad ones, but whenever a scene comes where one inevitably cries, i cry too and then all of a sudden, the longing comes back and then i get sad again.

it’s been a tough week for me. but i know i’m going to pull through this. i keep saying that i won’t wait for you but i guess that’s just my brain talking trying to cancel out what my heart wants.

i know we’re better of this way. i know this isn’t a fairytale where suddenly, after i have cried for a long time, the tears will form a wave strong enough to send you back to me.

i know i’m better on my own. i really do. but i miss being with you more.

i do hope i get to move on from you. maybe it’ll take a year? or even more? but i know soon enough i will.

i just hope that when you do come back, you don’t find me anymore. that you already have someone you call your own. that you’ll realize the love we had was superficial or perhaps temporary.

because if you do find me, no matter how much i’ve moved on from this, i’ll probably go back to your arms and cry because i really missed you.

i still regret giving my heart to you. i regret ever falling in love with your eyes, your smile, your hands. i regret ever opening up because i really thought we could have the love we’ve always wanted ever since.

i guess i’ll be alone for awhile. i guess i’ll love another person and know more about love. i guess i’ll just slowly bring myself up and be happy on my own.

i wish you’d come back. i wish love will still be there to bring us back together.

but for now, i wish love would find another means to make me happy without you.

i hope to see you soon. because i know by then, we’ll both have a lot of things to talk about. a lot of stories to tell, jokes to laugh at and other stuff.

i wish you well.