Jun 2018
Am I enough?
Well
It sure doesn’t seem like it
I grew up as the golden child
The gifted one
The multi-talented prodigy
Acting
Reading
Singing
Excellence across the board
I pushed and pressured myself to be the best
It was easy to be on top
I was enough
Insecurities started getting the best of me
A “B” was menacing
A “C” killed me
I was no longer the brightest
No longer the best
Comparison brought me down hard
My higher-than-average SAT score upset me
Why?
Someone else was better
I wasn’t the best
My anxiety got the best of me
I imagined my family’s disappointment
In my lack of straight A’s
In my lack of gifted-ness
“Try harder”
“Be better”
No one was telling me that
Except myself
Now
I feel more average than ever
The mediocrity suffocates me
No real extracurriculars
Only three classes
The self-loathing sets in
I don’t feel proud
The praise for straight A’s
In three
****
Classes
It feels like mockery to me
Though deep down
I know I have something to be proud of
I could have dropped out
When my body failed me
But I didn’t
I could have given up on life entirely
But I didn’t
Maybe I’m not the classic Gifted Child anymore
Maybe I don’t sweep the awards at the school ceremony
But that’s alright
I am enough
Even if I DID drop out
Even if I DID give up
I would still be enough
Because I was put here for a purpose
My family and friends won’t leave my side
Even if I failed every test this year
I am enough
Well
It sure doesn’t seem like it
I grew up as the golden child
The gifted one
The multi-talented prodigy
Acting
Reading
Singing
Excellence across the board
I pushed and pressured myself to be the best
It was easy to be on top
I was enough
Insecurities started getting the best of me
A “B” was menacing
A “C” killed me
I was no longer the brightest
No longer the best
Comparison brought me down hard
My higher-than-average SAT score upset me
Why?
Someone else was better
I wasn’t the best
My anxiety got the best of me
I imagined my family’s disappointment
In my lack of straight A’s
In my lack of gifted-ness
“Try harder”
“Be better”
No one was telling me that
Except myself
Now
I feel more average than ever
The mediocrity suffocates me
No real extracurriculars
Only three classes
The self-loathing sets in
I don’t feel proud
The praise for straight A’s
In three
****
Classes
It feels like mockery to me
Though deep down
I know I have something to be proud of
I could have dropped out
When my body failed me
But I didn’t
I could have given up on life entirely
But I didn’t
Maybe I’m not the classic Gifted Child anymore
Maybe I don’t sweep the awards at the school ceremony
But that’s alright
I am enough
Even if I DID drop out
Even if I DID give up
I would still be enough
Because I was put here for a purpose
My family and friends won’t leave my side
Even if I failed every test this year
I am enough
woahhhhh this is emo dhhdjs
I wrote this after thinking a LOT about how much pressure is placed on “gifted kids” at such a young age. I think it damaged me a lot, especially my sophomore year. A lot of the poem was written from the perspective of my sophomore year, when I was in an AWFUL place with extreme depression and anxiety. I occasionally go back to that place of despair, but I manage to hike myself out every time and see how awesome I am ;;))
I wrote this after thinking a LOT about how much pressure is placed on “gifted kids” at such a young age. I think it damaged me a lot, especially my sophomore year. A lot of the poem was written from the perspective of my sophomore year, when I was in an AWFUL place with extreme depression and anxiety. I occasionally go back to that place of despair, but I manage to hike myself out every time and see how awesome I am ;;))
