I'm scared to write;
Cause I know the words;
"I messed up really bad"
Will come out of nowhere.

Oops!
It just did.

I feel like I'm in limbo;
I'm a mess.
I messed up something good,
Something great.
I think about it and my eyes water;
I think of what's going to happen next;
And I involuntarily shudder.

I put myself first for once.
It doesn't feel like I put myself first.
I feel like I just convinced myself.
I convinced myself to destroy;
My source of happiness;
Laughter;
Inner peace.

I messed up really bad.
The deed is done.
This time there's no turning back;
But *******,
I messed up really bad.