when I was ten, I scraped the surface of my skin soothing the nerves that might be achin’ and I dreamed of being a shape-shifter instead of wearing my own skin, wanted to be a transformer like Mystique covered her scales with brown-leather jacket as if she was hiding in her friend’s pocket
I wanted to be a shape-shifter so bad that I carry different names in different events introducing another personality into another styles and bents, desperate in escaping reality that my first name is Nobody with a last name of loser in a morena body
when I was thirteen, I wanted to be a telepathic because middle school was boring and pathetic, your freckles and scars was not considered as aesthetic because they are distractive, not attractive then most people was stereotypic and put so much weight of stigma that was heavier in my own persona
I hope I could read someone’s mind to attend their standards and be acceptable, not behind I hope I could seep in the openings of their cracks to see if I could join in their popular groups and ranks I wanted so bad to be telephatic that my sanity was almost equal to chaotic and psychotic
when I was sixteen, I wished I had x-men gene of invisibility because school was tiresome and heavy and bullies was way powerful than your mental ability that you would rather disappear and stay in eternal tranquility then suffer from discrimination because your skin was not society’s accepted complexion they said, I didn’t belong anywhere because I am nobody from nowhere
mom even said I’ll be fine and should work for it I said that I am over it and I am so done with it but mom didn’t understand that suiting yourself in was like walking in fired coal with trigger in my feet of armalite the wall
now, I just turned 19, I finally understand how world kept condemning, exploiting and oppressing people who are weak who are in minority, not hearing their silent screech I finally understand that if you have no power people will trample and trample you to lower
I finally understand that I don’t need an approval stamp from anybody that crushes my soul in ***** and you, yes you you don’t need anybody to be whole because, certainly, surely, you can fill your own hole I finally understand that I am enough that life is rough so you have to be tough And I finally understand what made me stay, you foolish prodigy, do not be easily swayed I have the right to be here, you have to.