I didn't lie to you Everything I said was true At least in that moment of time I told you back then Even if I believed in soulmates I don't believe in only one If I remember right You agreed
Our feelings thrived through 5 years When we didn't say a word to each other That's definitely something special And I'm not saying my feelings have changed But my place in life has
Yes I'm polyamorous But that's not why we didn't work Sure, maybe I could've tried harder But I felt trapped and couldn't breathe Even though we weren't close You needed me constantly Which was fine until the pressure caught up to me
I'm not blaming you I was there for you 1000% at first Then I stopped trying so hard You thought I was giving all my attention to her She thought I was giving all my attention to you I should've been giving more attention to me Because life was killing me
Working full time And trying to survive the semester Now add that to the balancing of two relationships Plus an ex who acted like Jekyll and Hyde
Imagine trying to address The intense emotions you had Plus those of my ex And those of my other partner Let alone my own feelings throughout it all That's a lot to handle And yes I dug my own grave with it But I figured it'd be worth it in the end
You seem to think that I'm some unstable person who Tears everyone down with me But, even in these last few months I've grown and changed so much And I'm finally learning how to make myself happy
I stopped starving myself and joined a gym instead I am practicing mindfulness to understand myself and the world I learned how to talk myself down from my feelings I finally feel comfortable being myself Radical as **** but still sensitive I can finally exist alone and at peace
As for believing in reconnection It's not just 'us' involved anymore That's where people seem to forget Both you and my ex seem to expect That I can't just make these decisions Without thinking too much about the others
I understand why You'd hope my present relationship will fail But I've grown a lot as a person I've learned more about myself And what I want and need
With her there is no co-dependence There's open communication There's honesty and transparency That doesn't mean it's 'better' I am not degrading ours in any way It does mean it's different though
So how can I reenter a relationship That was definitely unhealthy in some ways After realizing what healthy means? Despite all of my love for you Despite how much I care We can't be more than friends right now Because anything else would hurt us both
If our souls do meet in Whatever world exists next Then you can slap me silly But right now this is what's best