Three and a half years ago
I met the girl who became my first love
I hadn't had much experience with love
So I didn't know when it became toxic
I transformed from straight-edge
To blacking out and blackening my lungs
I would have married her
But she left and
It ended up being a blessing is disguise

Two and a half years ago
I entered into a relationship
While I didn't feel too much
I thought she would be my forever
We got engaged
But I was afraid
And I made a choice out of fear
I left
Not literally but emotionally
And then it all ended
I turned into the toxic person I hated

Almost four months ago
I reconnected with an old flame
We grew from destruction
But the love grew onward nonetheless
We hit a rough patch when I needed free love
She still gave it a chance and
I couldn't be happier

Over a year ago
I met my 2nd partner
About four months ago
We finally had a real conversation
And a month later we developed feelings
We're still new and it's intense
Balancing love comes with its challenges
But our capacity to love is beautiful
And we grow individually each day
Experiencing endless firsts together
My first time growing love from friendship
And it's a wonderful change

Four weeks ago
I reestablished a relationship with my ex-fiancé
4 months after our fateful end
We still share so much love
And though we can only connect through text these days
Our emotional bond holds no bounds
Love is love
And she became my third

Three weeks ago
I left my old flame
Because I couldn't handle it anymore
And it wasn't her fault
We both lost touch with the others' needs
She needed me
And I needed space
We were both unhappy
And I chose to run
I still care about her
But I'm sure she hates me now
And I don't blame her for that

A week and a half ago
My ex-fiancé tried to **** herself
I got scared and told her dad
He didn't know we were talking again
But I needed to save her
She appreciated it at first
And then she cut me off
Even though we loved each other
We were hurting each other more
I understand why she left
And I hope she finds happiness
But it still hurts

One week ago
I realized I loved my 2nd partner
Who is now my only partner
We were laying together
I looked into her eyes and just knew
When I'm with her there's nothing but warmth and happiness
Flooding my chest
Electricity runs through my bones when we lock eyes
I knew I'd love her one day
But I didn't think I'd be IN love with her
Every day is an experience
And though it's hard
I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else

Today
I am still growing
I am not perfect by any means
And I am not defined by my relationships
But they have helped shape me as a person
Free love has been hard
These past years have been intense
And I am trying to learn from my mistakes
I am learning to love myself through them
To forgive myself
While still recognizing the pain my choices have caused
I am sorry to those I have hurt
I really am trying
I still love you all
But where we are in life no longer aligns
I wish you nothing but the best