My grandmother always told me that
I had to watch the words leave me mouth because
I am a pretty girl and we do not say ugly words.
I’ve always had to take caution with my voice.
When I was walking down the hallway in ninth grade
A boy called out “Hey yo, nice ass!”
And when I whipped around,
I resisted the urge to call him a dick
Because I wanted to be a pretty girl,
I have always wanted to be gorgeous and
I can’t say ugly words if I’m going to be.
When I was waiting in the vice principals office,
After my “best friend” stuffed a letter into my locker
She called me a cunt, a word I’d yet to hear,
And made me feel like I didn’t deserve to breath
Because I was just a bitch, right?
The ironic part is she’s still the prettiest
Girl I’ve ever seen, who used the ugliest words.
When a boy who must have been 12 years old
Called out to me “Hey, yo, girl, come here”
As I walked across the parking lot,
Garbage bag in hand and I had to tell myself
That the appropriate response wasn’t to
Call him a fucker but to ignore it and walk faster
When love came towards my head
Just barely slow enough for me to move
And the words “What the fuck” caught in my throat
Because I still needed to seem pretty
Even when my body was shaking,
I couldn’t say ugly words, or I’d be ugly too,
So I just stood there and waited for
The shaking to stop in my bones.
I have always wanted to be a pretty girl,
And pretty girls don’t say ugly words,
Right?