the other day
I had my first kiss
the first time my lips came in contact with another human
it was magical

I was on cloud nine the entire time on my ride home
I was happy
I couldn’t stop smiling
genuinely smiling

when I got home I cried uncontrollably
but they weren’t tears of joy
they were tears of sadness and fear

I was sad because I thought he wouldn’t want a relationship
I was scared because I thought he wouldn’t want me
why would he want me and all my problems?

I have depression
I’m suicidal
I slit my wrists
no one wants to deal with my problems

I’m fat, ugly and rude
no one wants me
but I don’t blame them
I don’t even want myself