for the first time in quite a longtime i am happy. not the kind of happy like fake laughs at terrible jokes or the happy that never has some sort of real meaning. right now. november 2017. i am happy. i can feel my heart race when something good happens to someone else. i smile at everyone that i see. i find joy in helping others and i'm not afraid of love. i am not afraid to care for someone or to tell someone how much they mean to me. my walls have come crashing down. but not so loudly to the point where all of the people that hurt me come running back to damage the new heart that i fixed. but to the point where they came down softly and not all at once and people that i thought were just passing by saw the good. happy side of me and decided that they want to stay there. stay in my life. not to trash it and throw everything that they don't like away. but to clean it up and make it sunny again.