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Nov 2017
7PM
Purple and twisting
It's a house party
Who the **** are all these *******
Where the **** am I even
I know George, he seems concerned with me
Holding his red cup like it's a shield
The guy never did anything but support me
I bet he's afraid of what I can do
But it's early, I'm all over
Nothing has even begun yet
A bottle of whiskey in one hand

9PM
No shapes and no faces
This tiny room of many people
Enjoying the mindless noise or some music
Dancing like there ain't no tomorrow
Twisting in shapes like they're fabric in spaces
Tiny pills and tiny tabs of destruction
My life's disgusting and collapsing
I know these nameless nobodies but do they know who I am
Two empty bottles, one in each hand

Midnight
It's on fire, but it's dark blue
I'm taking turns dying and spacing
A huge floor underground full of nameless something
Clearer than before, but still not too clear
Ben flicks the switch and they all disappear
I drop my two bottles confused as I'm here
I can feel the air looking at this husk of me
Tabs and needle in my arms

2AM
I'm seeing people, real people
I know who they are
They can't see me killing myself with what's real
They're too busy drinking and feeling life clear
Colors more vibrant than ever before
I'm bleeding from both of my hands

5AM
Aaron and Zoltan and others are speaking
Discussing things that are still inside reason
I'm looking for more acid, looking for *****
I want to end myself, it's the path I choose
I smash all the 40's and glasses on walls
The shards hit me everywhere, bleeding, no stalls
But I'm grey all over, no colors on me
So I guess this is what reality be

7AM
All these ******* are sleeping
I'm awake and that's keeping
Bleeding, high and drunk, I am just about ready
There's no more substance but time's keeping steady
My system is clearing, reality makes way
Amid illusions and fear, I find it's my birthday
Ironic that it's so, right now, don't know why
But on this sacred day, I wake up and now I die
Written by
Oculi  23/F
(23/F)   
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