Sometimes I wonder if I was drunk and in a room full of all the men I have loved
Who would I run to?

Would it be the first love?
The one who held my hand like it carried the world inside of it?
The one who kissed me closely in a stairwell?
The one who had the heart I broke into pieces?

Would it be the one that got away?
The one who made me feel wild and free and secure?
The one who always put me on the back burner but I wouldn't give up?
The one who broke my heart into pieces?

Would it be the one that was my almost lover?
The one who wanted all of me but not at the cost of a real relationship?
The one who drove me insane and made me feel like I was the problem?
The one who was my best friend in the whole ******* world?

Would it be the first real adult relationship?
The one who had a real job and real goals?
The one who took me on priceless excursions and showered me with gifts?
The one who told me I was too much of a stupid liberal city girl to be with him?

Or, would it be the one I thought was the love of my life?
The one who I spent most of my late youth with?
The one who had the family I loved and the laugh that brought me to my knees?
The one who told me I was too stagnate and was not willing to watch me grow into something spectacular?

So sometimes I wonder who I would run to
Who would I want to let in to break me again?
I do not know which hand I would run to hold, but I know any of those hands would be a mistake