i remember the anorexia
depression
suicide attempts
long days
silent nights
endless fighting
screaming
bruises
tears
packed bags
getaway plans
drugs
fainting
draining thoughts
restless body
empty thoughts
emotion

that was eight years ago
but its somehow coming back
in split seconds
with no warning
like a storm
flooding your home
trapping you
with nowhere to go
and you don't know who to call
the help can't get to you

I'm trying to let go
but i think I'm letting go of all the wrong things
myself
my health
my feelings
my mind
my future