Walking in a forest of naked trees, stripped of their leaves too soon, shivering in the wind.
Cold soil beneath my curled toes seeming to pull me under.
Pulling me under to where I wish to be on these frigid days.
Maybe the earth will keep me warm because God knows I feel nothing but chill wind above it.
They tell me the orange bottles with white caps will harden the soil beneath me some days.
Hell some days I even convince myself that I’m actually going somewhere.
What a joke.
But the delusion can’t last for long.
One wrong step and I fall into a hole, deeper than the one before
I keep thinking I hit the lowest one until life goes so low I look up to see hell.
Why do the doctors think locking me up will help me.
Why do the doctor think if they chain me to ceiling the ground will stop pulling.
Because it fucking doesn’t.
It stretches you.
It pulls you.
It yanks your body, your mind, in a thousand directions.
All while they tell you to focus on them.
They put a mirror in front of your goddamn face.
Reminding you that you won’t ever be normal.
Look at your skin. Scars make you a warrior right?
Well why am I never a veteran
I’m a soldier every day
In a constant battle
With naked trees surrounding me
Making the cold soil beneath me
Seem warmer and warmer with each day