I grew pregnant with my past,
unable to separate from the reality that began as a seed inside me.
Submerged in water, I tried to released you-
my past, my dear child...
but this bath of death,
flooded with the thick red of fluid despair,
held us closer together.
i want you,
twirling in my womb
under the moon at twilight
as i dance my way into whimsical decisions.
I feel you tap,
                   tap,
                      tap,
                         pry,
                             claw,
                                   scratch
at the lining of my uterine wall.
i want you,
i do not.
Sentiment is blinding.
My dear child...
you are not good for me,
though I hold you with eternal warmth.
I am your mother, you are my past.
I open my eyes,
I’m back in the steam of my hazy bath
like an aquatic portal in the corner of comfort and suicide.
The red is gone... yet it was never there.
All that remains is my fetal past pulsing perfectly.
My stomach breaks the grey pond within porcelain,
pertruding through the patches of rose colored suds.
Closing my eyes never looked so dark, the blackest black
like my favorite dreams.
My head falls back and the red liquid returns,
hugging the crevices of my face,
filling my hollow orifices,
pulling my life far enough to look over me
and smile
with pursed lips and one crystal tear...
i am submerged,
yet all I hear are whispers in this bed made of water
singing me lullabies as I drift into a synthetic evening.
I am tucked in, dreaming of the lightest light in the darkest black.
The contrast helps me understand life’s cogs and screws.
i place my pruned fingers on my pregnant stomach,
my fragile past..
You will not leave me, so I must leave you.
My life’s gentle claws let me go
and bursts through the sun and clouds,
as gravity holds me close to his chest and kisses my cheek bones.
I see the light in the laughing stars,
I lay lifeless,
belly full of a dead past.
Goodbye,
             my dear child.
                                 Goodnight.


© 2016 D.M.V