Sometimes I walk with heavier steps
When I feel the claustrophobic push of gravity weigh down upon me.
It feels as if I know the clouds are coming
Before the skies darken
And the air pressure thickens
I predetermine the outcome of my adventures
Through smokey *** curtains I see a future I fear
The self-fulfilling prophecy of stifling my own pace
By saying I am not good enough for you
Eventually you will tire of my jealously,
My overreaction.
It is in my nature to destroy the happiness I can see in front of me
To burn the path that leads to open arms
Arms that belong to a destiny that says
It could be us.

I am scared.

I am scared that I cannot accept what is the right way
That I am ageing into the mundane
And soon you will see
That you have so much life to live
Outside of my trapped stance

I am scared

That the clouds will part and the sun will shine
And blind you into forgetting me
As my warmth becomes suffocating
And you shred off the layers of pain that comes from loving me.
There is a dense sense of empathy;
For the broken poet only shines within the thoughts of his muse.
So who do I become,
When not in your comfort?
A shell. A breeding ground of irrational thinking
Though above these thoughts
The dampening worry of loss
And self humiliation of kidding myself
Comes one overwhelming thought.
...
I miss you.

You are not the clouds
You are the ground
The path I want to tread
The uneasy route that I deserve to find.
That an ongoing adventure, unknown and excitedly scary
Will keep me young, and alive
With the happy ending
In fairy tale promise that I dream we read together
In arms of embracing mental privilege and togetherness
At ease with the decisions we share
At ease with the comfort of each other.

My love is not that of fiction.
I did not find you within the pages of romance works
Or the flicker of black and white buzz.
I found you falling into my life
Like the gentle pour of refreshing rain on a close autumn eve, in darkening days.
I found you as natural kinship,
As the understanding of understanding why;
Life is worth living.

And I am scared.

I am scared of how I can view the world when I lose you.
When I can no longer see the world through the reflection in your eyes.
When my steps again grow heavy
And I have nowhere to go.

I love you,
Like you love me
There is no ending
Yet I fear the end.
I will forever fear losing you
Until the day I lose you
When my fear is too overpowering.
When the only steps i take are those over beaten ground
When I trample the last of my confidence
When I push you away, when I can no longer bear to see you hurt because of my love.
When you realise
That You deserve better than me
And I don't deserve you at all.